I first went to a lawyer in September and was freaked out by the fact that I as sole working partner may have to cover his medical insurance and would likely have to cover husband through retirement. He has not worked in several years due to various medical and mental illnesses. I waited a few more months but things were going from bad to worse. I told him to leave, which he did and has since taken clothing and some personal possessions. I went back to attorney gave him a retainer, have most of my paperwork together and have been frozen for over two weeks. (I am also dealing with an ill parent that has required a good amount of time since the new year). We are not well off and do not have much to split, our house needs a lot of work and i cannot afford to make home improvements. I am getting by but am trying to "dig deep" to figure out what is holding me back, fear of his reactions and behavior, fear of the financial impacts, how it will impact my kids even though they are almost done with college, what everyone will think of me, where this will all leave me. It feels like he is not expecting anything to change, just that we will live apart, and I know I have to move on this, but need a kick in the butt. I am nervous about the optics of taking time off from work for these appointments, I have a million excuses. I do not want to live with him or be married to him, I do not want to feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop but I feel like i did the year before that I have no backbone to draw the line and wish I could go back to the moment that I did.