Hi there, my ex cheated on me when I was overseas with my kids for vioating my sick father. He went home early and brought a prostitute home. He keep saying just for companion and no sex involved. But ofcourse I don’t trust him. I am going to file for a divorce as this is not the first time he lie to me. He did many times lie after lie, including online chating, online dating, porn and many more.
Now I need to know how can I move on quickly? I don’t want to back on his trap.
My heart hurts for your situation and I wish you great strength in this journey. Here’s my advice:
1. Leave him for good. He will not be what you need him to be and he is not going to change. He has shown you he cares more about his best interest than yours. Believe me I have lived with that nonsense for 22 years before deciding to divorce and many men use the plea that the women knew about it therefor allowed it to continue since they admitted it. He’s no god or ever will be: Leave him!
2. Seek professional counseling to heal. This will take a long time but will help I promise.
3. Lawyers are sick, horrendous *******s that will lie to you about what you can get and then you will pay more for them than you can imagine. If you must get a lawyer, you have to do the calculations and all the proof means nothing unless you craft a written argument because they will not, nor will they have your best interests at heart. Do not have faith in the legal system without your doing literally all the work. Get a contract with your lawyer and expect it to go over by a third of any negotiation on price. Most all divorce cases settle because lawyers bleed you to Bankruptsy and don’t do the work themselves. Don’t let this scare you, just be educated on how to effectively use a lawyer or you will get screwed.
4. Get all your documentation on his retirement and access to assets now so you will be able to avoid him liquidating your rights. I never thought I’d feel so passionately about that statement and did want to put faith into my ex and my lawyer but they have screwed me to where I have to go through bankruptcy.
5. Pray for wisdom, strength and courage & be grateful for the people that truly do help you - you’ll find out who they are soon enough.
6. Talk to your doctor honestly about depression and anxiety they will truly help I also promise.
7. Write up on paper what you want your life to look like for the future and put it where you will see it everyday this will truly help you stay focused and help the healing process.
From the depth of my heart friend I wish you well.