So I already posted here about serving my spouse who has no idea and thinks we are living a fairy tale. He's Bipolar but been on meds since 23 years of marriage now going on 29. He's been nice, loving, had not been mean or had a lot of mood swings. I been told act like everything is just fine. But the thought of serving him when he comes home has left me guilt ridden. He will be coming home to celebrate our 29th anniversary. It just worked out that way. But all the damage caused before meds has done so much damage the marriage is unrepairable to me. I just don't love him anymore. Simple. I been trying to do this for years but his manipulation and threats of suicide always stop me. Plus I hate hurting people. It's cost me many years of unhappiness caring about others feelings instead of my own.
I finally decided at 53 years old I'd had enough. How do you deal with the guilt. but there is still so much anger. I've been reading my journals and he has said and done some mean things in the past.
On top of it all I have no idea how he will take this. Hopefully my ex parte goes through but even that doesn't give me peace of mind. He has always been a grudge holder, vindictive more so before meds and threatened suicide.
I just want to be happy. I don't know if he will contest it or leave everything behind since he is a over the road trucker. I am a basket case but excited to start my new life.
Anyone else spring a divorce on your spouse and dealt with guilt. How do you get past it?