As much as I want to believe my x is not in control of my life his mental abuse still continues to filter down. I chose 4 years ago to end it and recently divorced. Through trying to coparent with him seems nearly impossible. I want what is best for my 2 young children. I am at a lose of how to deal with his irrational behavior.
Do you find it hard to explain emotional abuse? I do sometimes. Sometimes I feel like poeple dont take it seriously enough, like they comment or reaction is like 'oh at least he never slapped you around' Seriously?
My ex literally controlled my mind too. Its awful living a life where you find yourself always walking on egg shells because you do t want to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing that will cause a reaction. And by reaction I mean that sharp tongue that spits out all those nasty things or even worse the cold shoulder. You know. Like what you say or do is irrelevant at all.
It's horrible.
When you emotionally abused, you become the abusers perfect puppet. It's horrible and the fear a d anxiety is too real. And the worst part is, to everyone else, they are the perfect partner. It's how they musk themselves. Poeple outside are always commenting on how you are such the perfect couple but little do they know.
I am so ashamed of myself for having an affair and for being weak and giving in to my loneliness and low self esteem. When my ex found out, he took my phone and recorded my face while he confronted me about the affair. He then posted it on Facebook. I live in a small community, and when a woman cheats, its massive. Just walking into the shop to buy bread and milk is tough. People point and whisper and give me daggers, and he loves it. They enjoy it .watching you squirm and making you feel so small and pathetic.
But no one knows of all the things he has done, they dont know about how he would sleep around with the few friends I had. Ahhg its frustrating.
And it's still not over. Even though we devorced, he is still installing fear into me by threatening to take away our two children.
But one thing he doesnt realise is how much strength I've found in myself. I will fight back and I will be strong for my babies and I will cut those strings he has on me one by one and he will know that I am fierce because I am choosing to rise above it all, and learn from my mistakes of being too afraid of what others think of me.
At the end of the day it's about me and giving my kids all my the love and respect they deserve and being happy.
You not alone hun, be strong. Stand up for yourself, show him you are worthy of his respect and I pray he sees his wrong aswell because devorce is nothing I wish on anyone. It's just too sad.
My marriage ended because I wouldn't stand up for myself and it made me weak, and made me give into temptation and that is my greatest regret and never again will I cause such pain of betrayal to hurt someone i love. My advise to you hun is Be strong. Communicate with him please.Be heard At least try and know you tried.
I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I am in a similar situation with my ex. Years of emotional abuse took all I had, I had an affair that ended our marriage and while I am thankful I got out, I regret being so weak that I made such a bad decision. I am working on getting stronger and trying to deal with my own issues of why I chose someone like him in the first place and learning to be happy alone.
He made awful threats about taking my kids and he feels entitled to all our assists despite the fact that I made all the money and built our wealth. Finally understanding the type of person I was dealing with made it easier to handle him. Once he would make those threats, I would say things like, “of course you would say that, that is what everyone tells me you would do and what people like you do.” On threats about taking our kids, I would say, well then you can tell our kids why they didn’t see their mom much. He pretty much shut up and stopped with the threats when I called his bluff. Hopefully that helps. I’m not sure how your ex is, but bpd/ Narcissistics want to be seen favorably by others so I used that social perception against him.