Just this past Tuesday I found out Tuesday that my husband has been having an affair for 6 months with a coworker. We have a 2 yr old daughter and I am struggling with how to even begin coping with this. We have met with attorneys and got everything situated for the sake of our child. Who has been through something like this?
I confessed an affair to my wife 2 1/2 years ago. I immediately ended it and begged my wife for forgiveness. At the time we had a 11yo and a 16yo. It has not been easy but we are moving forward.
The third week of February this year, I found out that my husband of 6 years was still cheating on me. I worded it this way because I found out 5 months after we were married that he had been cheating on me the entire time. His transgressions are with a multitude of women instead of just one woman here or there. So you see he is a serial cheater. I forgave him the first time I found out because I was so newly married, humiliated, and didn't know what else to do. We went through multiple counselors. I demanded transparency and we went on to have three more babies.
I had gotten away from doing things like periodically checking his phone or computer because I didn't want to live like that and also because I trusted that the Universe would reveal the truth to me when it was ready for me to know and during a time that I could handle it. I didn't spend my days bringing up infidelity or talking about it over and over again. I forgave and moved on.
And now here we are again. We have four small children together. I've spoken with an attorney during a free consult paid for my job, but I don't have the money to retain her services right now. I also need to save money to move out into my own place at the end of June. I am completely broken. Pretending to hold it altogether. Nowhere to turn. No close friends and no family close by for support. Just living from one day to the next.
I don't have any advice for you other than to do yoga if you can as it helps keep you centered through all the storms going on. I just wanted to say you are not alone in that infidelity being the final straw for your marriage. I want to be fair and say that this was a two-party screw-up and that I helped get us to this point as much as he did, but that's not the truth and I don't feel like people or counselors should try to make me own something I didn't do. Even after I found out the first time, it was me that initiated counseling and trying to do things to save our marriage. It has alway been me trying to create a strong bond and emotional connection to make our marriage solid. I was fighting an uphill battle though. He said all the right words and never followed up with action because he knew in his own heart that he could never be fully committed while he had so many extracurricular activities going on. He played me. He loves the image of being a family man, but not the responsibility of being one. He is broken in ways that I don't know about nor will I ever understand. I can't stay to help him fix a problem that he doesn't even acknowledge having. This is a 49 yr old man we are talking about.
I am hurt beyond repair or so it feels. I am humiliated. I am embarrassed. I want my kids to know and love their dad, but I also want to ensure that they don't grow up to be anything like him. How can I do that? I can't talk bad about him to them. I don't try to keep them away from him either. We live in the same house still. He hasn't acknowledged my pain once. He has not said I'm sorry once. He still talks and gos out with other women regularly. And to keep my sanity and to keep some peace in the house until we can separate, I pretend I'm cool with it all. I feel like such a doormat because that's exactly what I am.
I have also been through this. Hearing other peoples stories, makes me feel like im not the only one. I too have 2 toddlers, and had to move out of my home to an apartment. It wasnt easy and I had to accept help from family. I can assure you, you can do it! It wasn't easy and it is still hard some days. But I guarantee you it is worth it in the long run.