On 03/28/2019, after asking my husband of 4 years for a divorce, he decided to get drunk and pull a gun on my 13 year old boy. He was an alcoholic and at 40 years old just couldn't seem to get his **** together. I've spent the last year going back and forth from wanting to divorce him to feeling bad and like a terrible wife because I was tired of supporting him. Isn't a good wife supposed to support and encourage her husband, after all?

Finally, after watching him lie straight to my face over and over about his drinking, after becoming over $10,000 in credit card debt trying to make up for his lack of income and after sleeping on the couch for two weeks because I couldn't stand to be near him, I asked him for a divorce. It hurt. It did. Even though he never followed through on any of his promises, I did love him at one point. I still do but not enough to stay in the relationship. I'm 39 and I felt like I was wasting my life on someone who was never going to get his **** together. I didn't want to be 50 and in the same position just because I felt sorry for him. I wasted 12 years of my life on my first husband because of that.

I even told him that he could take our car when his license is suspended because his family is who gave it to us and I knew that he would insist on it. It was always something that he threw in my face. Of course, the fact that his family never would have had to give us a car if he had been man enough to get a job and stick with it never seemed to cross his mind. I told him he could take anything that he wanted. I just wanted a divorce.

So, he got drunk and came to the house to pick up the vehicle and began calling me every name in the book. My 13 year old son heard and the next thing I know, he was coming through the door with a metal bat and yelling at my husband to get out and to never speak to me like that again. My husband lunged at him and I screamed and tried to keep them apart. I've never seen my son or my husband so angry and all I could think of was that I had to protect my baby because my husband was drunk and he was actually acting like he wanted to throw down with my kid. It was shocking. I grabbed the bat from my son and threw it into a different room and I turned around, I watched my husband pull his gun from off the top of the refrigerator, un-holster it, **** it and then point it right in my son's face. My 13 year old boy's face. He's a child. A baby. Of all the things that my husband could have done, that was the last thing that I expected. I've never felt so much fear in all my life. Here was this man who had helped me raise my son for 7 years, who had said that he loved him, pointing a gun in my son's face as if he were a grown man and actual threat to him.

I screamed and put myself in between them and then I ran as fast as I could out of the house. Long story short, my husband was arrested, a protective order has been filed against him and he can't come anywhere near me or my kid. His family was absolutely horrible to us. His mother blamed me for what happened. That it was my fault for not changing my last name. His sister threatened to file auto theft charges on me for the car even though I had been driving it for almost two years and had receipts showing that I was the one paying for the maintenance on it. When that didn't work, she resorted to calling me names and insulting me. Like anything that she could say to me mattered at all.

And not one of them, not one of them ever asked how my son was. Not once. I don't care if they hate me and blame me. I don't care. But what did my son do to deserve their heartlessness? He's a child.

It's been almost a month. A month ago tomorrow to be precise. It feels like a hundred years. I've gone from being terrified, to in a rage, to crying, back to a rage and then back to crying again. I hate it. I'm not in love with him. I haven't been for awhile but I still hurt so badly. When I was packing up his things, I found condoms in his bedside table. I had a hysterectomy 2 years before I even met him. It was like a slap in the face. So, not only was he drinking behind my back, not only did he refuse to follow through on any promise that he made to me, not only was he incapable of doing what a 40 year old man is capable of doing to get his life together, he was cheating on me, too. Most likely while I was at work. In our home. In our bed.

I feel like the biggest fool. Another 7 years of my life wasted on a man who didn't deserve it. And now I have to get a 2nd job to try to dig myself out of the debt that I'm in while he continues to act like an 18 year old who doesn't know how to take care of himself to save his life. It's not fair.

I just want to feel strong again. I want to feel whole again. I don't want to be fine one minute and crying the next. I don't want to be on this roller coaster anymore. I just want to get off.

And there are times when I want to reach out to him. To scream and yell and tell him how much I hate him. How much he has hurt me and ruined my life and my faith in men. I thought he loved me but it turns out he never did. He just used me for a place to stay and money in his pocket. I feel like a husk of a woman. Dried up and left behind. It's not fair.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. No mother or child should have to go through that.

Behavior of this type is simply unacceptable and my heart goes out to you and your boy.

Good thing you got a restraining order and most importantly you and your boy are safe.

This is a pretty traumatic situation, I would suggest you and your son seek out a counselor that specializes in domestic violence.

Be brave!

What a terrible human, you definitely need to be rid of him he sounds incredibly unstable.

You deserve better disconnect w him completely and focus on getting better

Honey,
I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I had to have my husband removed over this last weekend, but I didn't have to suffer that sort of trauma. You are a WONDERFUL Mother! That's your baby. That's your everything. You don't need ex, darling. He was, like you said, being a disgusting user and abuser and YOU GOT OUT! Even when he pulled a gun. Girl... feel PROUD!!! YOU SAVED YOUR SONS LIFE!!! Domestic violence therapy would help immensely to stop that tape from playing over and over again your head. Look for a local crises center in your area. They are free and they care. I pray God gives you all the strength in the world. Your friend, Heather. :clap: :point_up: :pray: :muscle:

Linda,

You should be very proud of yourself, you only wasted 12 years. I on the other hand am going on 22 years married and 27 years with an alcoholic irresponsible husband. I applaud you for having the strength to move forward. One of the first things an abuser does is manipulate you into feeling like you had something to do with what is wrong with them. They are so good at it, that they can actually make you feel guilty for "not caring enough" to see things through.

Stay true to yourself, you and your child are worth more than that POS! I finally go to a lawyer for a consultation on Friday and I'm terrified and thrilled at the same time.

Good Luck my love!

Linda B: I'm very sorry you had to go through this. As you probably know, one of the hardest things about divorce is living with less money. I had very little money after my divorce, but luckily I got the house (he got his retirement) and the car was paid for. I shopped at thrift shops (still do) and went to the local Food Pantry until a discount grocery store was built in my town. I also cut back to basic cable t.v. for a while. It takes time to get over this. I hope you are getting child support for your son. It wasn't your fault what happened in your marriage. Your husband has big problems. Take care.