So, my ex and I got into an argument about things that were on his phone. He grabbed his stuff, and left. That was in 2017. He said that he was coming back but needed a break. He moved in with a friend. He would have our child over. One day my child tells me that daddy had a girl friend over. I asked him about it, and he said there was nothing to it. She worked with the friend he was living with, and she was there for him. Long story short, in March of 2018, I log into his social media account, and find that he and that same girl had been in a relationship. I would later find out that they had been together for at least 5 years. She was married too, so that's why he was able to stay. The ex and I have been back and forth with trying to fix things. Each time, I find out that he's still with her. So now I am totally done. My problem is that he acts as if nothing has happened. He expects me to be that listening ear, or that shoulder. If I ignore him because it has nothing to do with our child, he gets mad. We are in the process of divorce. Waiting for our court date. We don't have a child support order in place. We had an arrangement that has worked. But whenever he feels like it, he'll decide to not pay me. So I am careful to not say anything that will make him mad.
I feel used, and taken for granted. I still love him, but I don't want to be a doormat. Also do want to keep my child going back and forth.
How do I truly let go. I am a Christian so I hold to trying to be Christlike.
Confused: Here where I live in MA, people can get Child Support taken out of their pay electronically (provided they are not getting paid "under the table"), and, if they are behind in their payments, their tax refunds are seized and sent to whoever was supposed to get the money. Check the custody laws on line in your State. Make sure your Lawyer, if you have one, knows that he doesn't pay sometimes. If you don't have a Lawyer, get one ASAP. Family Lawyers who handle divorce are best when kids are concerned. If you cannot afford a Lawyer, make sure the Judge knows what has happened. You are correct in not allowing him to utilize you as his support system and only discussing things when it concerns your child and you should cut ties with him once your child has grown up. Best wishes.
Your ex is a jerk and I can see where you feel like you have to be nice until you go to court. Be a strong women. Dont let him walk all over you and you tell him all you need to talk about his your child and that's it.
I struggle with being the Christian too but as Christian we know that only God can fix him. Ask God to help you and help him but he will take advantage of your Christian ness create boundaries limit contact and be unavsilable