I've been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4. We grew up together. Lot of life events have taken place and we have been able to get through it. A year ago I cheated emotionally and ended up telling him. We did therapy for a few months and things got better for a bit. I tried to give him space and do the things he was asking but I am not getting anything in return for months. No validation not communicating, I'm basically being shut out. Due to his job he's been gone for about a month with minimal contact and during this time alone I realized I've been so unhappy. I've been hiding my feelings and just getting by. A friend pointed out that I hadn't been upset in weeks and that maybe I was being treated pretty poorly by my husband even when all I would do is try and do things to make his life easier. In the last year all I've done is try and reconnect with him. I talked to him about this since he's been gone and told him I wasn't sure if we were a good fit for each other and all I want is for both of us to be happy and in a nontoxic healthy relationship. He responded by saying he realized what a jerk he's been since he's been gone and that he wants to try but I have such a hard time believing him since he's been pushing me away for the last three years and basically treating me like a roommate that he can bang whenever. I'm just really unhappy right now and I've had a close friend tell me that if I ever got divorced they would marry me in a heartbeat because of how amazing I've been. That makes me want to leave even more because at least I've got a backup plan and wouldn't have to struggle financially. I know it's a crazy thing to say and I'm probably just fantasizing but I'm so worried that if I work on my marriage and put in more effort it's all going to fall apart anyway. We don't have a ton in common and I don't wanna be with someone that's always so negative. But dang leaving sounds hard too because I'm almost 30 and this is not the life I dreamed of. I want kids someday and right now that seems so far away because of all this uncertainty and distrust. If I stay I may never be happy and continue to prolong the inevitable. I also don't think I could bring a baby into a relationship that is so on the rocks.
tell him just what you posted dont copy paste but edit. leave out the back up plan. i was married 29 yrs he up and left i should have ended years ago but i was told its better for the children to be with both parents that was not true in my case. most importantly talk is cheap do not think that your back up plan will come through most experts recommend a 2 yr waiting period between serious relationships so you dont carry so much of your baggage. if you both decide you do not want to make it work anymore get your own place or platonic roommate take breaths bc it will be hard for a few months due to the nature of being human good luck
Please girl take a breathe. I’m begging you. Divorce is not easy. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. It’s the hardest thing in the whole wide world. If you think you can work it out with him then please try. me and my ex thought that we couldn’t get along until we started seeing other people and realize how much we do get along and can’t be apart. But now it’s too late. We’re separated and divorced and seeing other people and I don’t see us getting back together. We have a son and we raised him well together but it’s just not the same. If you have the opportunity for therapy or just to talk amongst the two of you please try. You won’t regret it.
I disagree, divorce can be the best thing that can happen. You want to be completely sure and feel supported and loved with person married to so definitely don’t have a child yet if things are the way they are. You’re so young most people don’t get married til after 30 for good reason need to know self first and date different types of people. My friend just had her first kid and got married last year at 46 so you have plenty of time to find mr.right and I know he is out there for you