My husband of 12 years decided to divorce me and confessed that he hasn't loved me since year 1 of our marriage. I went through denial, pain, agony and hoped that this is a nightmare that I would wake up from. But finally, I am beginning to come to my senses and started to accept reality. With my loss, I am starting to gain an epiphany that this is god trying to shape me into a better person. To let go of biases and judgements. And that the loss of my marriage or relationship is not a bad thing but rather an opportunity to let him go in order for him (and me) to find happiness.
He is a good guy as well as I believe that I am a good person. We're just two people that couldn't live the rest of our lives together, happily.
Marriage is hard. So if you're reading this and believes that you have something worthwhile to hold on to and fight for, then try and let go of your ego, judgement and biases. But if you know that you've already exhausted everything you got, then let go, move on and start to find your "new normal." At end of the day, only you can find your happiness.
It sounds like you have found some acceptance. I am still sitting here newly single and rollercoastering from sad to mad to ok. That makes a lot of sense, letting go of ego. It is my ego wanting him to tell me he screwed up and beg me for forgiveness. I don’t think he’s going to do that. I know he’s not a bad guy deep down but made some bad choices. We grew apart and that’s the hardest of accept. It seems like it would be easier to have someone to blame, but again that’s just ego talking. I just want the hurt to stop creeping up on me and taking over for a little bit.
@Reenic: I completely understand what you're saying as I feel the same way. There are good days and bad days. And acknowledging that only helps. And another important acknowedgement is knowing that your feeling of sorrow, anger, and loss is not permanent. You will laugh again. You will be happy again. And you will love again. Sometimes we give love to others more than we love ourselves. Maybe this is an opportunity that god is trying to tell you to focus on developing an intimate relationship with yourself rather than with others. Give yourself the opportunity to do something that you enjoy, whether it's traveling or eat a giant cookie. Whatever it is, do it for you. With Love.