I’ve been married for almost 17 years and since the beginning I’ve felt like I’ve made a mistake marrying him. We’ve got 4 children and over the years he’s developed a problem with drinking. He drinks excessively every day, although it doesn’t interfere with working. He’s a very hard working man, I’ll give him that. He’s a very negative person, quite unhappy and probably depressed. He doesn’t want to hear about it when I try and suggest he gets help. He’s also very defensive when I mention his drinking problem. He disagrees that he had one. He’s very negative towards our children a lot of the time. To the point that each of them have a strained relationship with him. He’s quite nasty to me at times as well. I never thought I’d be a person to consider divorce, but I’m very unhappy in this marriage. That said, I’m also really afraid of how I’ll cope financially since I’ve always been a stay-at-home mom. I’m also worried about the impact this will have on the kids. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thank-you in advance.
I'm so sorry. I literally thought I wrote this. This is what's going on in my life. I've been married 22 years, 4 kids, and he drinks almost every day. Very mean to our children and myself. Our oldest which left home at the age of 17 wont even have any type of relationship with him. I'm wondering the same how do anyone get over it.
Lily: I would attend an AA Meeting to speak with people who have experienced this type of a problem in their family in order to get some emotional support. See if you can get a free consultation with a Family Lawyer who handles divorce. You should be able to get child support for kids you have together who are under 18. Also, call or visit your local Unemployment Office or see about applying for work/training on line. Many women who have been home receive training to take care of/do errands/clean for the elderly in their homes or get training to work in medical offices. This is not a good situation for your kids. Perhaps you could ask him to leave and get a responsible roommate to help with the kids and the bills - maybe a student studying child care or someone who just needs an inexpensive living situation. Best wishes.
Lily:
It sounds like we are dealing with a very similar situation. I have 3 children and June 3rd will be 19 years for us. I’m watching my husband drink himself to death. He, like your, will drink excessively all day, everyday, He is a good provider, hard-worker, and can maintain his career somehow! I have also stayed home most of the marriage and am very worried about supporting myself, even with alimony and child support. My two older children have moved out due to the unhealthy environment they were exposed to. My daughter also moved out at 17. I have one left at home and gr name is actually Lily. She barely speaks to my husband and I feel so much guilt keeping her in this situation. I’ve put off divorce for so long but plan to go see my lawyer, who I’ve consulted with in the past, tomorrow to tell him to go ahead and file! Tomorrow is my daughter’s 25th birthday. I just woke up tonight in the middle of the night to my husband pouring the last glass of wine out of his 4rd bottle today. Not to mention he drank beers as well. He is not an angry drink for the most part but also gets VERY defensive when confronted about drinking. He’s been to detox twice and was clean and sober each time he came home but chose to begin drinking again!
Thank you for sharing your story and for letting me know I’m not alone!
Please feel free to reach out anytime. God bless!