I have an issue that not a lot of you can relate to. I was introduced to the swinging lifestyle with my husband and for years we enjoyed watching but not being involved. I went so far as to offer my husband a girlfriend on the side as long as we picked her out and maybe we could share her here and there . We were in agreement and we had fun interviewing some women for that position . Time went by and the position was never filled and then one day I got a phone call from a woman tellibg me that my husband was having an affair . I questioned if he had a girlfriend and he said no. For 4 years I had questioned him if this was true and he always denied it . I had a feeling in my gut that this might have been true . But there were no signs of it. He was a very loving caring and attentive husband. After four years the girlfriend mailed me the love letters he had sent her . I was slapped in the face with the truth. They had a nine month love affair behind my back . I always wondered why a man who had the option and the open communication with me would go behind my back and that to me. Especially when we were open to that option ! I am now filing for a divorce. Not for the cheating but for the lying . Am I making sense to anyone .?

Of course you make sense and I see how it could happen. I had a boyfriend that was a swinger before and I understand the lifestyle but soprising that he didn’t push you or ask you for getting a boyfriend or find a couple you liked and be all together at same time. Also not sure if you established rules but often no kissing or phone contact so it’s purely sexual and doesn’t get to be more of a connection. I’m sorry this went on for so long what was his reaction when he found out he was discovered? If this was only case of infidelity and he’s truly sorry should try counseling to build trust back between you if that’s what both want and he’s capeable of being faithful and trustworthy. I’ve heard of many relationships improve after I fed elite as communication opens up and stronger after getting thru it

Thank you for your feedback ! When we were introduced to the lifestyle we did have rules. There was no kissing there was no phone contact. We were basically living the dream marriage . When I started questioning him about an affair (that i was tipped off about) he denied it and continue to deny it and he actually made up LIESto try to cover it up . After four years of continually lying about it to my face the other woman showed me the letters he had written to her . They had dated for nine months and he was obsessed with her, confessed how much he fell in love with her all along coming home every night to me with a huge smile on his face telling me how much you loved me and that our marriage was getting better and better by the day . I am a very open person and it probably would’ve been OK if there was another girl involved but when it comes to lying about it it’s just unacceptable in every Way. I am a 45 year old beautiful woam into fitness . I own my own business and I am a very nice patient and kind loving person. The truth of it is I think I fell in love with the person I thought he was not who he actially was.
I need to find the strength to get through this and walk away from him. Our kids are graduating high school in one week and they don’t know anything yet

I had printed out the love letters that she gave me and showed him them he took a letter and burn them up and continue to be in denial about it. I told him if he could just tell me the truth about everything I could start to forgive him but he refused so I know I have to just pack my bags and leave . 15 years of an amazing relationship ruined over his lies.

Adriana: Close joint banks accounts and joint credit card/dept. store cards. My parents were in a situation similar many years ago (long story).