I’ve been with my soon to be ex husband since we were teenagers. I loved him the minute he kissed me on our very first date. We dated for 7 years before getting married. He was an alcoholic and drug addict. He had years of sobriety and then he’d fall off the wagon again. I trusted him every time he said it was the last time at rehab. Drugs and alcohol took him away and he became a crazed lunatic, and he became violent and extremely nasty. We were together for 30 years when last summer he snapped and went crazy. I got a restraining order and then thought we were working on fixing our relationship, turns out he was cheating on me with prostitutes and was smoking crack...he stole my car and set it on fire. Now he is in prison for 2 years and we are getting divorced. I have to sell our home. While cleaning out his things I came across notebooks In Which he detailed all of his indiscretions. My heart was torn in two. He cheated on me our entire 30 years together and I didn’t know. I feel stupid, and used. People knew and I look like a fool that I didn’t know. We are still trying to work out the details of our divorce, he’s not agreeing. We have 3 almost grown children, all still live at home so there are no custody issues. I’m sad. I’m angry. He’s all I have known since I was 19 yrs old. I’m about to turn 50. Now I’m alone, have to sell my house and move in with my sister because I don’t make enough money to make it on my own. And my heart is broken. And even after all he did, I miss him. My children are all very angry with him and the things he has put us through. He was mentally and verbally abusive. My youngest doesn’t want to hear about him anymore, says it’s been almost a year since his father cracked and I should just forget about him and move on. I still have to go to court for the divorce, been 4 times now, him being in prison makes things harder. My house is sold and we have to move in 2 weeks. My insides are in turmoil while on the outside I act like I’m fine. And now I’m just devastated that my youngest said that to me. It’s not over for me. I’m not sure it will ever be over for me. I was in counseling since this started, my counselor just retired. Though most days I feel good, I still have down days. Never once did I curl in s ball and cry and not go to work or cook dinner for my kids, food shop, do laundry, whatever. I almost feel betrayed by my child. That they can’t understand how devastated I am. I don’t know what to do.

I am sorry to hear that. It sounds like you have been betrayed most of your life and you have every right to feel the way you do. It is extremely painful. I too have been betrayed in more ways than one and feel the same kind of pain you describe. I am struggling each day to make it through with the help of family. DO not be angry with your child (ren). They can only imagine what you have been through. In time they will figure out how hard it is for you. You are surviving despite the odds. Stay strong like you have been, doing all the things you are supposed to do. Pray and be blessed for a new future.

Wendy: I was married for 21 yrs. (long story) and our daughter was 18 when he left. It takes time to get over something like this regardless of the circumstances. Focus on taking care of yourself. Spend time with supportive friends and be there for the kids. Sadly, your ex will, I am thinking, be deceased if he keeps up his ways. Don't focus on him anymore. Get a Physical and tell the Doctor what you have written here. Best wishes.

Wendy your story is not unlike mine full of devastation and heartbreak every time they promise to get help and recovery from drugs etc and we are nice people love them and want to help them our family etc . The sad reality is we have to help and live ourselves instead of addict and recovery from the highs and lows their addiction and insanity has brought us to . This is easier said that done because that’s all we know and mostly have become addicted to the addict and are used to the rollercoaster life we shared . This is not healthy I too have three children and two grandchildren I’m 46 and have been with the addict since a teen pregnant very young . I’ve been leaving him all my life but excepting and believing his bull **** also until I found my self running scared one last time , and it hit me I’m too old for this do I want my granddaughter to know me as this anxiety filled woman full of fear and panic beet down NO . But crazy thing is I’m still grieving and have to go through it to get to other side , I hope your doing better and loving yourself my mantra is right here right now I’m okay , and I push myself forward I too left the house I put all my hopes and dreams in and don’t know where I’ll end up but I have hope lovely children family etc 💕

There are a sequence of emotions and I was recommended relationship counselling yesterday which I can’t afford I am 52 three teens mine started today if you have someone who sympathises with your situation your on a winner I have no family near so I am alone xxxxxc