Hi there. I’ve been married for 8 years and have a 6 year old daughter. I’m so tired of being in an unhappy marriage but I’m terrified of losing my little girl half the time. My husband is a high anxiety alcoholic. He can’t seem to deal with every day life. A couple of years ago, he totaled my car and was arrested for dui. He continues to drink secretly even though i can always tell when he’s had anything. His excuse is that he stresses out so much at work that he has to “disconnect”. I’m the primary caretaker of our daughter and she’s extremely attached to me. We’re attached to each other is a better way to say it. I get her ready for school, i take her to school, i go to work, my mother picks her up from school, i pick her up, go home and have to make dinner for her and myself if we want to eat anything. He’s NEVER even brushed her hair! To this day, he doesn’t brush it, doesn’t bathe her, doesn’t even help her brush her teeth. She’s becoming more detached from him because of his drinking and even asks me when we can move. I’m so scared that if I do leave him, he’ll fight me on custody. I can’t even fathom the thought of her being with him half the time. But I also can’t stand the thought of being married to him anymore. Physically, I’m repulsed by him now. He tries to touch me and I freak out. Am I doing more damage to my little girl by staying in this marriage or will I damage her more by leaving him and risking her having to live with him alone. It terrifies me. Especially if he continues to drink. He makes a 6 figure salary and throws out little threats here and there when it comes to money. I make decent money but if I leave I’d have to go back to my parents house. It’s so expensive to live in California. We do have a condo that we would have to sell. It’s all just so overwhelming. I’m sorry to go on and on. I just don’t have many friends that I feel I can vent to. Hopefully someone will read this that has been through this before. I’d be forever grateful for any advice
Sofia, you’re damaging both yourself and your daughter. Honey, money can’t buy peace and if he thinks he’s rich with money he’s broke! When you’re rich with love that speaks volume! Sounds like you’re in a very toxic relationship..you have to decide what’s more important to you. Maybe you can try and introduce him to counseling for his issue..if he wants his family he would go. Throwing up money tactics isn’t respectful at all. I’ve been there done that.. being called broke, can’t keep a job you name it but I have a college degree. I got use to it..men love to control women with money, he thinks you can’t do better without him..not true! You can do whatever you put your mind to. It’s sad your daughter has to go through this..maybe try sit down and explain to him how he’s breaking the family apart..it’s only so much you can do. I tell anyone you will know when your time is up. Pray about it and give him to God. I learned a lot from being in a mental abuse marriage for almost 15 years...but one thing stood out is I have to protect my peace at all times and do what’s best for me. You have a child involved here and you have to think about her. Blessings to you