I feel like my whole world is crumbling. One moment it’s all there and making sense and then the next it’s all gone. The feeling of not being heard, not being good enough. Having to up and move everything that you’ve known to start over. I don’t know where I will go from here, i don’t know what life has in store; however, I’m getting to the point where I’m going to break again. I can’t sign my name without busting into tears when I have to write my last name. I’m so tired of being alone, I’m so tired of being hurt. I’m tired of this pain.

Jay,
I totally feel you. For me there are good days and bad days. If I’m scheduled to work, I don’t think about the divorce and the relationship that I had with my husband. I have a wonderful support system in my work family and this has really helped me get through some bad days. My boss actually told me that what he wants is us to kick my ex out of this country. If I’m off from work, I find myself thinking about my situation and it has been very hard. I also feel like I’m going through a roller coaster. Sometimes I just don’t understand what I did wrong but the fact is I never did anything wrong. I always tried to work out my marriage. I went to marriage therapy twice but he was never interested in going to therapy or in working out this marriage. I know what you mean about not being good enough. There are days where I just don’t understand why this is happening to me. My husband of two years emailed me on Father's Day and asked me for a divorce in the email and also told me that I would here from either him or his divorce lawyer and I should just sign the divorce papers so we can go our separate ways. I'm in shock because the only reason that he's even in America is because he married me. I'm an American born citizen. I was the one that spent a year patiently waiting for all the paperwork to be looked over by USCIS. I sponsored him and he came to America in February of 2018. He seemed nice like he was after our wedding but slowly he started changing. He wanted my parents to buy him a car, give him a credit card, and give him and his family the rights to the property in India that my parents have. He was so disrespectful to them and he would yell at them on the phone and he would call my parents by their names instead of calling them by the respectful terms for mother-in-law and father-in-law. I was a perfect wife and always respected my in-law's and my husband. On my last visit to India which was also my first visit to India after our wedding in 2016, he ended up kicking me and he denied that he kicked me but he ended up taking me to my cousins house and showing them how he kicked me. I always tried to make my marriage work and went to two different marriage therapists. He never tried to work our marriage out. He was influenced by his friends because it seems that one of his friends divorced his wife just now and he keeps saying that I was easily influenced by others. I finally got the papers two weeks ago on Thursday when I checked the mail. Boy was I shocked by what I read. He said that we mutually decided to separate on January 30; he seems to have decided already on January 30, 2019 that we were separating but he never told me that and he acted like we were going to be happy together and visit each other and I was shocked that he would put my car into the paperwork because he had no rights to the car at all. He just drove it maybe a couple times without me. I’m so hurt by everything because I still have all the engagement and wedding photo albums at my house. I still have the engagement ring and wedding band. I took them off the day I got the email because it just hurt me wearing the rings and the necklace and toe rings that he gave me the day we were married which happened to be my birthday. My birthday and wedding day is Christmas Eve. For 28 years it was my birthday and then on my 29th birthday it was my wedding day. I really don’t know how I’m going to survive my birthday this year. Another thing that happened is on June 29, my mom’s best friend who is my second mom passed away suddenly and we’re grieving her loss but a lot of my friends in the community don’t know that I’m also grieving the loss of my marriage.

I’m sorry for both of you.
But please, love yourself more then what you that man or excuse for a man that you married. Work on yourself, read and/or listen to audiobooks. Maintain your dignity and treasure it, don’t loose it before these heartless human beings.

That’s what I’m doing right know working on loving myself and putting me first. That way I can be the mom my kids deserve.

My best wishes for you...

You are so completely right. Thank you for your strength and support. People like you make the days easier. Appreciate you.

I sincerely understand