My divorce was final almost 5 years ago. We have a 15 yr old daughter who has remained strong but recently took a hard stance with her father who she claims disregards her wishes related to visitation. About a month ago she got into a fight with him because he wouldn't listen to her on the topic of visiting me, and she left his house, I picked her up walking when she called and I took her to my house. She hasn't gone back to her dads since. She refuses. I encourage her to go but things have gotten even more disheveled. My ex has now filed rule to show cause for contempt of court stating I am refusing to return her, holding her from returning and a few other blatant lies. He has requested incarceration, sanctions, fees etc. I have zero funds to hire an attorney with a 2000 retainer. He has plenty of money and has the same attorney he used when he filed contempt a few years ago. And he was convincing enough through many lies where I had to serve 4 days in jail. I'm not a criminal, I'm not a monster, I am a mother and I'm not going to stop being a mother just because he hates me. He's even bringing up old contempt charges that were already closed. I fear I'm in big trouble and I'm not even doing anything wrong. She is 15, she is fed up with his inconsistent pattern for visitation with me. He doesn't follow the decree either. Our daughter wants her own representation once a hearing is set. She says she has written several pages and wants to get them in front of a judge so her voice is heard in the matter. I also learned that her father is now looking in to forcing her to move schools with zero valid reasons. It's all to satisfy him and what feels like a power trip. He's pushing her further away and I'm watching as the days go by, her fall apart in disbelief that he is dismissing what she's doing and blaming me.

Wow! I have no advice for you, but I feel for you. I'm scared I could be in a similar situation in a few years. My oldest is 13 now and we share custody 50/50. My ex is a complete narcissist like your ex. Only cares about himself, not the best interest of our kids. I can see her getting fed up with his rediculious rules and his hate for me and her doing this. I think you need to figure out a way to get a lawyer and get custody changed. She can probably testify in court and ask the judge to change things. She's old enough.

Well and the saga continues... since my last post, her father has enrolled her into a new school a town over from ours all because he says its more convenient for him and she needs a change in her life for the better. She is furious and has grown a level of panic I fear is disabling. She already suffers from anxiety that he is not a stranger to with her. School starts in 3 weeks. She is begging him to stop and since he won't and has taken this action, she is even more than ever refusing to return to his house. In addition she asked me to take her to her dads to talk about this school business and he called the police. Of course there was nothing they could do but stand there in the same disbelief as our daughter... she asked to get a few things from her room and he refused to let her in the house. He's holding her macbook hostage as well. A $1000 macbook I paid for. He's turned off her phone and recently canceled her service all together. AND when I try to reason with him, he says this is all your fault, you are the reason I have to take these actions. We received notice from the court that a hearing date was set for Oct 1. It is my understanding that once the court recognizes accepts and schedules time on their calendar, any major changes from the current can't be made like changing our daughters schools??? I've written a letter to her existing school administrator explaining that she is not to move schools. Hoping this will keep them from dis enrolling her. And I'm going to send a letter to the school her father enrolled her in to explain that we are in court proceedings and they should rescind and return any money he paid to get her started. I'm furious, my daughter is livid and beyond hurt her father would make such a drastic change in her life against her wishes and for unknown reasons. She is a great student, plays sports, loves the staff, they love her and I can only see this as a way to control her since she refuses to go back to his house. I think I'm going to look in to filing temporary injunction or temporary full custody to get her residence changed to my address which would allow her to continue at her current high school. I meet with a lawyer Weds. No clue how I'm going to pay for it but I'll sell everything I own to win this for her. Thanks for reading and providing your thoughts. I feel very alone in my situation so its good to hear others thoughts and stories similar to mine. Take care! Iowa mom of 15 yr old wanting more time with me.

Liz: So sorry about this. I hope you get full custody someday. Your ex sounds like a control freak. I hope your daughter does get heard in some way by the Judge and can get the rest of her stuff back from his house before she needs it for school via the police. (Where I live you can have a policeman come to the home where you need to retrieve your stuff in order to keep the peace). At her age she should be allowed to decided who she wants to live with. Judges usually side with "the best interests of the child" which is to be with you and to remain in a school where she is happy. Best wishes to you both.