Hi,
I had been married for almost 13 years and, almost two months ago, my husband went out with his work friends to a party. During that night he didn't answer my calls or messages. He didn't even answer the call from our kids that were trying to say goodnight.
I even had to call out for work because he didn't show up on time to take over for me so I could go to work. Then when he finally showed up the next day, he apologized, he told me that he blackout and that he will never do that again. But, since that night(it was a Saturday) he started to act weird, he didn't want to talk to me. He hid in his game room and drink for two nights and he told me that he was depressed and that he was having a lot of thinking to do.
Then, on Tuesday, I told him that he really needed to talk to me cause he was acting very bizarre. So we went to our room, he sat on the floor and he told me "I want to divorce you", my entire world just exploded but I asked him, "Did something happened the other night?" and He said, "Maybe, but not really. I started to talk and flerd with the bartender, and I realized that since I'm married to you I don't even have a chance to do anything. I'm not happy at all, and I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE. I want to be free". So I held his hand and I said," Is ok, I love you very much, so I have to let you go". But that killed me. That broked me completely, destroyed me like nothing else ever.
Starting that exact day, without even waiting or giving me a chance to heal or anything he started to go out, to bars, and with his friends to meet and talk to other people. And for what I suspect, he is probably sleeping with other people already. He goes out almost every night. He avoids me at all cost. He doesn't come home once or twice a week. He doesn't want to talk to me and all he is doing is trying to get all of the info to speed the process without even caring about my feelings. And if I try to talk to him, he gets angry and tells me that we have nothing to talk about anymore, that all he needs from me it's all my financial info to start the disclosure.
And yesterday he said(by text,because he doesn't talk to me face to face) that this is my fault, that he stop loving me because after we had our kids he was the one that has to work all the time and that I decided to stay at home, race the kids, and do everything for the kids and the house, since we don't have any kind of help with the kids. And that I'm just comfortable and happy working part-time, which is BS, but he could never understand that, even so, his Mom tried to explain to him that without any help with the kids it was impossible to work full time all the time. And because he makes good money base on the CA law, we don't apply for benefits or free daycare. So he is blaming the loveless marriage on me.
After me straggling with depression and his rejection all the time. He will always leave me along and choose nights of drinking and playing video games over me. And we will fight about that all the time cause I will complain about that situation all the time. I would beg him to spend more time with me, to be kind and more lovei with me, but he will always ignore me and treat me like a crazy mad woman for complaining.
I begged him so many times to go to a marriage therapist or counselor with me, but he always said NO.
But the thing is that I LOVE HIM AND I DONT WANT TO LET HIM GO, even so, he is being a **** with me. I want him back, and I want to ask him for a second chance. And tell him that I will try to be a better wife, and work more hrs and try to rebuild a future with him and our kids. And also give him a chance to be a better husband with me...I WANT TO ASK HIM FOR A SECOND CHANCE, EVEN IF HE SAYS THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.
SHOULD I ASK FOR A SECOND CHANCE? Or that will be stupid because he probably will say no?

Pam: Sorry about all this. I think you should get a consultation with a Family Lawyer who handles divorce and other situations like this. No, I don't think you should give him a second chance and please don't sleep with him again. Who knows who he has been with and they might not be healthy. A man who has kids and stays away all the time and who still plays video games and gets black out drunk is immature and irresponsible. My family helped me pay for a Lawyer during my divorce and perhaps your mom could, too. Remember, if you decide to divorce and see a Lawyer that they charge for every e-mail, phone call, face-to-face meetings and court time so contact them when it's an urgent matter. Make sure you get your child support. Where I live people can have it taken out electronically from the person's pay. In most States the child support laws are strict. If you are still legally married and there is no domestic abuse, he most likely can stay, but morally he should move out. Staying in a relationship like this will only lead to more heartache and he's also hurting the kids by staying away. He may be having an affair. You deserve a better life than this. Best wishes.

Lara,
Thank you very much for your sincere and kind advice.