My husband of 4 years told me 2 weeks ago that he loves me but he wanted out of our marriage. He said that he was tired of us fighting and that he was tired of doing everything around the house and feeling unappreciated. He called me lazy and said that he is tired of doing everything for my kids (feeding them, making sure they are bathed, etc.). I've been in graduate school for 2 years and working nights full-time since then so it's been a really difficult couple of years for both of us. I'd say I have been in a depressive episode since about the beginning of graduate school and he said he's been unhappy for the past couple of years, but he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to make me mad. I didn't realize that things were this bad. I'm graduating in December so I've told him for months that things were going to finally be back to normal and I was excited to go back to just being able to work a day job and come home and night and spend time with him.

I'm so devastated because he's my person. I've been in love with him since I was 15 years old and we finally got a chance to be together about 5 years ago and we took it. He told me in the beginning that he'd never leave me and I believed him. He has been going through a stressful time due to just getting out of school in May and dealing with a leak of cerebrospinal fluid out of his nose since 2017. He had his first surgery in September 2018 which didn't take and his second in January 2019 which also didn't take. He recently had his third craniotomy which he is still having issues with and he has to go back to the doctor this Friday. I feel like since the January 2019 surgery, he hasn't been the same. I want to blame part of this change on his surgeries because he just isn't himself anymore. When I am crying about what's going on and he's in the apartment with me, he just ignores me and he continues to do what he wants to do and laughs and acts like nothing is wrong. He said he is going to stay until I graduate and then we signed a year lease on our apartment after he told me all of this and so now he's saying "we're stuck with each other until next August".

He hasn't shown any affection towards me since he told me, obviously, except when he's drunk. Last night I was struggling really bad because we had lunch with his mom and his grandmother and it hit me that I wasn't going to be a part of their family anymore and that my kids were going to lose those people in their lives and they've come to love them. So I get in the car with him on the way home and I start crying. He asked me earlier that day if I wanted to play a game with him and when I was crying he said "well nevermind then since you're in a crappy mood." Later that night, he got drunk and I went through phone calls with my mom, my grandpa, and my dad, all crying and sobbing and they told me I just need to let him go because I don't need him and I will be happy again one day and I don't deserve how he's treating me. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and I decided to take the plunge and start researching doctoral programs because I need some change after he leaves. I need to do something to help myself grow as a person and as a professional. So he saw that I was applying for programs and at one point he leans over and he smells my hair and kisses my head. He does it again a few minutes later and then when he is done smoking, he goes back inside but before he does he leans over and touches his forehead to mine and says "I'm sorry" and he went back in. I didn't respond or comment on anything that he did and I just left it like that. I went and laid down in bed and he played his game. A few hours later he comes to bed and says "I'm cold" and he said he wanted to cuddle with me so he could be warm. I told him that probably wasn't a good idea and I asked him how drunk he was and told him that he only does this when he's drunk. Several times during the night he would cuddle with me for a little bit, then he would wake up and push me away. This happened a few times and he woke up this morning and went to his mom's and said bye. Once again, like he wants nothing to do with me. So now I'm sitting at home just needing to talk to someone about it because I'm just depressed and part of me wants to just die.

ive been through a recent divorce was married 40 years im sure this process will take more time but I have come a long long way you are young and have a lot to offer the world and its time to put yourself first its heartbreaking no doubt about that but it will get so much better when you can be who you want to be and not be who he wants you to be I hope this doesn't sound trite because its heartfelt advice