I am 49 yrs old ,married 28 yrs, we have a daughter 10. I have known about his porn addiction for 20 yrs. when confronted he pledged to quit, change his behavior, went to a therapist, and I managed to heal myself. I felt betrayed , less than, not attractive enough, even though in fact I was beautiful. Yrs later his consistent pursuit to have anal sex and pee on him or be pee’d on, has manifested itself in our sexual relationship. One night I was pretty hammered and we were having sex, I trusted he would not do anything I did not want done to me, but I was wrong. The next day I felt like I had been raped. Although it really wasn’t quite like that, I made comment to him but did not really address it. I felt shame, disrespected and quite frankly sad that I could not trust my own husband. I shared w him that I felt fear, could never really let myself go in intimacy and felt as if I had to always say no and ruin the moment. I think I know I can’t fix it. I love him truly and he loves me but I don’t see a way forward. I don’t believe he can stop , I have stated it will cost our marriage if he does not. And I truly think our marriage is over, if not now and the short distant future. I am sad beyond words and want our marriage to work. The thing is - I can’t give him what he wants without trust and assurance I will not get hurt. I don’t trust him cause he’s given me no reason to trust him. I am sure that his obsessive behavior in watching this deviant porn - cause it’s really disturbing - not your average - has given him confidence that is he pushed he will get what he wants regardless of how I feel or whether I say yes or no. I don’t see us coming together on this - only because this has been going on for years. It’s now to the point where I fear for myself, I am apprehensive, not sexually free to explore because I feel fear of what he would do to me if I am again in a compromising position. If he can really quit watching this disturbing ****, perhaps there is hope. And there lies the real problem, he just won’t quit.

I don't know if the two of you keep God in your lives or not but I would tell him how does God look at that because you are supposed to respect your wife and all the things that you have mentioned are not respectful.

You could also be seriously injured if he decides to move on to choking too. I am sorry but the man sounds ill to me.

Thank you. I have decided to call a Dr for som e help and have asked him to do the same. He has professed his desire to stop to regain my trust. Emails turned out to be nothing , I don’t he is cheating. But what is bad is our relationship. He was angry when I shared what I wrote, even though I doctored it a bit. Excuses for why and reluctance to talk to me about it until I begged him to please talk it out

Definitely stay the course and get help, even if it's just you who does. If he truly cherishes the relationship, then he will find a way to change. Best of luck to you!!