I’m just lost. I don’t really have the funds to hire a lawyer. We own our home and still have one child at home. What do you recommend to first start? I printed out forms for a dissolution but have got 3/4 completed. I don’t know how to fill out custody of child and information for our home. I don’t want my spouse to find out what I’m doing because I feel he will take all the funds out of his 401 k. At this time he is not working and I am having a hard time trying to make house payments. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Hello TW,
Do you have family members whom you could borrow the money from? I completely understand your need to keep your decision under wraps until you feel you have a handle on this process.
I suggest calling around your area. Speak to lawyers, mediation groups and ask if they offer free consultations.
If you are concerned that he will dissipate or waste the marital assets. In some state's an attorney can require an ATRO, Automatic Temporary Restraining Order. This is an order from the court that prevents both parties from altering finances.
Unfortunately the lawyer is definitely the key. I am sure it can be done without an expensive lawyer, but that lawyer is going to protect you from being taken advantage of as others have mentioned.
I highly recommend picking up a copy of a book called 20 Years Gone: a Divorce Story by Dorian Wright, they identify critical steps for going through the divorce process, and also elaborate on how crazy things can get during that time, if you are not adequately protected.
Keep in mind that if you are feeling that it is time for a divorce, he may be feeling it too, which is once again why you will need a lawyer in the mix. Best of luck!
I highly suggest getting an attorney.
The day I left , it turned into a war.
He was out to make sure I was left with nothing.
Unfortunately divorce brings out a whole new side
of people.
TW: Check the laws about custody in your State on line. When there are kids involved, its best to hire a family lawyer who also handles divorce. Usually a home is sold when a divorce occurs unless there are extreme circumstances like mine (he got his retirement money and I got the house which was paid for). The other poster is correct about restraining orders made to protect finances, also, if you have joint credit cards, close those accounts when you file (there would be an order for nobody to charge a lot on them probably anyway). My family gave me money to help pay an Attorney. See if there is anyone in your area giving free ("pro bono") legal advice - check with a local women's services center. A Lawyer would help you keep your home if you own one together if you really need to keep it like I did. Best wishes. Maybe your local courthouse has information/paperwork about child custody. Mine was 18 when he filed so I don't have experience with that. Remember, Lawyers charge for every e-mail, call, face-to-face meeting (unless there is one free consultation), court time, etc., so make it important if you contact them.