So a little background, I've been with my husband for 12 years, married for 2. We got together when I was 17 and he was 28 and for a long time things were great, but now all of the small things are overwhelming me.
We never used to go out much, he would always complain of money, and he has struggled to keep down a job (4 times I have ended up running the house on just my wages) but now he doesnt help with jobs around the house either, since we moved in to the house I bought for us there were a few jobs I needed him to do, 4 years on and they're still not done.
We had an argument a year into our marriage and he walked out, not for an hour or two but for 6 hours in the snow, I had to phone the police I was so worried, eventually he came back but the next morning I text him and asked him to give me a few days space, his answer to that was to go to his mothers, leave his wedding ring around our marriage certificate and post the keys through the letter box. After a week or so he did end up coming back and broke down saying how he needs his wife and he couldn't work the weekend night job anymore because we were never seeing each other, so I agreed to try again but if he ever left the house like that again we were over.
Since then I have had to go into hospital for surgery, he didnt visit me (though he had just started a new job), I was then taken into hospital after collapsing and he only handed me my phone to call the ambulance myself then he went to work, he has also left me to go to two funerals alone because he cant cope with them (but they were my close grandparents).
Moving on to recently I came home from work and started finishing off our dinner before asking him to wash and empty the slow cooker so I could prep the next days meal, he emptied it and left it on the top so when I came down I had to wash it and prep dinner, all while he sat down with a coffee. So once dinner was prepped I did sit down in a bad mood and said to him, I'd like to sit down with a cup of tea when I come home, and from there a full blown argument started where he threw and smashed a mug. It culminated in me begging him to stay as he walked out yet again. This time he didnt come back but went to his mothers. The next day however, after destroying his sim card he left her house and no one knew where he went. After 6 hours of him being missing and since he has a history of depression I ended up filing a missing persons report, the police came, checked the house and at this point I was hysterical worried they would find him in a ditch. In the end after 11 hours my dad found him and took him back to his mothers.
A few days later I then went to visit him since he missed work and didnt call in sick and I was worried he would lose his job and his mothers house was a state (I'm being polite) so I couldn't leave him there. I offered him to come home and stay in the separate room for 6 months to see where we get to. So far it had been mixed messages, he wants me back but wont go for relationship councelling or to the drs since he doesnt think him leaving was wrong, he also wont queue with me when we go to shops (he has a lift to work as we work closeby) and I feel like I've tried everything. I have even started medication myself to try and get through this situation because I want to be open for him to change but I'm scared he will do this again and right now I camt see a future with him. Then yesterday I'm in work and a massive bunch of roses arrives for our anniversary on Monday and he gets us a bottle of Malibu to share so I thought we would have a drink and a chat but no we got home and he didnt want to talk so I'm really confused. I'm scared of him not being here and I will struggle with the bills without him but I dont know if I have the strength to carry on like this, I'm also dreading the day he will move out and I dont know if I can cope with that, any help or advise would be really appreciated as everyone around me is obviously biased.

Sally: He sounds unstable and the stress of this will only continue since he won't get help. My advice is to get a consultation with a divorce attorney. Sometimes the first visit is free. Your peace of mind is at stake so I would advise getting out of the marriage and he can go live with his mom. Maybe you can get a responsible roommate to help with the bills. Get whatever help you need whether it is from a food pantry, shopping at thrift shops, etc. Best wishes.

Hi Lara,

Thank you so much for your feedback. I have booked an appointment to review my options but I am feeling really guilty through all of this.

I really appreciate the unbiased feedback as it is so hard to get that right now.

Regards

Sally