My husband and I have separated gotten back together separated... We have done the dance several times since our inital split in 2015. He met a woman recently and wants to get serious about that relationship. He decided not to be a step-father (after 12 years) and is working to integrate our daughter into his new family. I got divorce papers at the beginning of the month and since then have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Why? Our marriage has been over. We barely liked each other at the end. Why did getting the papers put me right back at the begining? Help!

One of these reasons why it makes you feel like you are at the beginning again is because the papers are symbolizing the beginning to the final end. You need to go through the emotions and grieve it like death. I was told during my divorce that grieving over divorce was the closest thing to grieving death. Looking at it like that helped me and still helps me today. The hurt will linger but it will get better each day that passes.

In order to help move forward, you have to stop looking at, or listening to, anything that triggers memories of that past relationship. It is very hard at first, but gets easier. There is a song called "Not Today", and whenever the singer is met with a sad memory, she simply says, out loud, "Tell the Devil no not today". This technique is referenced by Dorian Wright in their book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" (it's out on Amazon).

Even if you don't buy the book, try checking out that song. It works wonders!!