I'm in so much pain he was my only friend my everything

I'm so sorry. I know exactly how this feels. My husband was my everything.

Very sorry to hear this. Sadly, it happens a lot more than you would like to know. If you check out "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" on Amazon by Dorian Wright, you will find out about others who have endured similar experiences :( The great thing about Dorian's story is, they were able to find happiness again. Have faith!!

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through! I remember well the day I found out my husband of 32-years was cheating and the anger I felt because he was my soulmate, my everything and I couldn't fathom how this could be happening to me! In the past year since we've been living apart while he carries on with "his new life", I've felt every emotion of true grief...denial, anger, bargaining, depression/hurt and finally acceptance. Everyone experiences these emotions differently, and, in my case I've often found myself skipping backwards from one emotion to another. I'm still dealing with "acceptance" but only because I've allowed him to gaslight me for so long, but his narcissist behavior and actions speaking louder than words have enlightened me from being a victim to someone who is now taking my own life in control.
I'm not sure of your current situation, but please do not allow this kind of behavior to hold you prisoner as long as I did for it will do real damage to your soul! Talk, and then talk some more...do your research, suggest counseling and if he won't go with you, do it alone for yourself! Take what you need from the sessions and leave the rest. Focus on yourself and what's best for you. Sometimes we have to take the pain and use it as a learning tool.
Wishing you the best and hoping you know you have so much worth in this world.

LH: Sorry this happened and that you are feeling this way. Cheating is usually obviously a sign that all is not well in a marriage. There is light at the end of the tunnel and you are better off emotionally without him. Hope you have seen a Lawyer for a consultation!