My husband of 3 years (together for 8) has always struggled with three things: addiction, spending too much money, and lying (usually about addiction and spending money). It all stems from his messed up childhood. Recently I found out he’s been doing coke behind my back, adding to the smoking and drinking he’s got caught doing behind my back before. I can see the withdrawals on our shared bank account, found physical evidence in our library (razors, straws, baggies with residual powder), and I’ve seen questionable texts between him and his friend who is a dealer. After confronting him for the hundredth time he admitted to it. I don’t even mind him doing drugs every now and again, but weekly? And then lying to my face. I can’t trust him he’s always sneaking around and lying. What’s worse is I don’t trust him alone with our daughter (16 months). He and his friends have even left drug covered pennies within her reach and forgot about them. The choice seems obvious, but I love him and he loves our daughter so much.
You can try to get him to go to rehab, but I have to be honest: it is rarely successful, in my opinion. Something always sends the person back into relapse.
If you read "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" by Dorian Wright (available on Amazon.com), you will see another example of where money was being squandered from the person's account to not only buy drugs, but to also buy items for others. Also, in that specific example, the lies continued on until it finally resulted in divorce. Best of luck with your choices!
Hi. I just wanted to share my story with you. It seems so familiar to me when I read yours. My husband loved me. He loved our boys (ages 2 and 3). He was a family man and spent every hour I was there trying to keep me and the kids happy. I ignored the warning signs. Much as you are. I made excuses for the missing money. I assumed someone stole cash from my purse. I explained away the meth I found in his pocket in the laundry four years ago. I saw the money coming out of our accounts. I assumed he was just being wasteful. And then. The cops came. They came because my husband had escalated. From a buyer to a dealer. He had let the habit take control of him and he was putting our babies in danger every day of their lives. He was a liar and a manipulator. And I fell for his every excuse. I believed him because I loved him so much. I believed him because he loved us so much. But in reality, the only person he cared about was himself. He took my trust and used it against me. He was dealing drugs from our home while I was the one working to support the family. And I was none the wiser. I was baffled when the police came and called me home from my job as they arrested him. They took him almost a year ago. I have not seen him since. He's now in prison. Im so thankful that the investigators and I had a good relationship and they realized that I had no idea what was going on while I was away at work. This has been a horrible experience for me. And, although me and the kids are doing great right now, this is an event in my life that I will never forget and will never fully recover from. He was literally putting our children in danger on a daily basis. If you are married to a manipulator and a liar, the sooner you can get away, the better your family will be. If they truly loved us or their children, they would never put them in danger. And thats the God's honest truth. Their selfishness will overpower their love for their kids. All day, every day. I'm sorry, but it's the cold truth.