I've been married for 5 years, we have two kids. My husband tells me he loves me every day, he wakes up early to fix me breakfast for work most days, and he looks after the boys so well. He also takes good care of me.... BUT....

After the birth of our first, I found a strange e-mail conversation where a woman had responded to a photography ad he had placed. She sent him nudes. He responded with finding a date, preferably nighttime, when they could meet because 'he liked what he saw'. This is three years ago..and I almost left him then. He sincerely asked for forgiveness, saying it was a stupid joke e-mail response he never meant it to be serious.

I forgave him, but haven't forgotten.

Then I found a video...he said he has a desire, a turn-on, to watch me pee...so he had placed his phone hidden in a bathroom when I was staying at my cousin's house. However, he caught my cousin on video instead of me. The video was on the computer when I found it. He said he had intended on deleting it because he realized it wasn't me he had caught...

I forgave him, but haven't forgotten...

This summer, while he was trying to have sex with me at night, I woke to him 'in' me but also watching porn...some asian chick.

I forgave him, but haven't forgotten...

I'm disgusted by him sexually now and don't enjoy the thought of us having sex and try to avoid it. When we do have sex, I'm not really there and place myself elsewhere in my mind and do it just as a wifely duty I guess...


He also said he would learn religion more, but he never has made the effort. It's such a big part of who I am and I just am so hurt by his lack of participation and avoidance of it..when he said he would...

He has been rude to my family and now gatherings are always uncomfortable. I was always so close to my family but he has definitely driven me away from them....I miss them terribly.

But there are many good things about him, the main being that he is so loving to me and the kids. He does all of the cleaning, dishes, house repairs, cooks, and just makes sure we are OK. He tries to get a job but never is successful....He lacks initiative I know that is a big part of it..Finances are a big stress in our relationship I just wish he had a good job so I could be the one home with the kids....

He supports all of my passions no matter what anyone says, and always stands up for me when I cannot even stand up for myself. No one has done that for me. He always does...

I think about Divorce every day. I am terrified of it...my kids are so little and they love their dad...but I don't know how we can mend our relationship. I can't get over the things he's done and where I am in life. This is not the path I want to continue on...We have been to counseling but it is unsuccessful.

Here is my honest advise as a deeply christian man who was married for 10 years and went through divorce because my wife was unfaithful multiple times and I forgave until I could no longer: YOUR MARRIAGE IS HEADING TOWARDS THE CLIFF. I can't be any clearer than that. Ideally you'd want to be together to raise your kids like I wanted as well. But there comes a time where you hit the end of the road and your own emotional well being becomes critical to raising healthy, happy kids. I have not heard his side yet, and the truth is always somewhere in the middle (give or take). But if what you say is true, then I think he has deeper personal/sexual and or psychological problems that he came into your life with and that need addressed therapeutically. His own side of the story might mean you too need to work on somethings through counseling or therapy, however until he addresses this personal sexual disorder, your marriage will continue this slow walk to divorce. You cannot build a house on a foundation made of quick sand. He needs to replace his foundation (his psychological/sexual issues) in order to gave your house (your marriage) a chance to be rebuilt. If that does not happen, the future looks doomed. Sorry to say. All the best of luck.

Thank you for the response, Jason...in the last year, my husband's sexual deviations seem to have calmed some. However, I feel like sex is always and has always been a 'experience' every time we do it and it's never just normal sex...I started to realize this now...I see now he really needs to get some counseling in that department....

In the past week, he has really suddenly started a religious change He's praying more..it makes me happy but I don't think he's doing it for the right reasons...I think he's just afraid of losing me and the kids...

I'm so torn. He's such a good dad, seriously Amazing. He is so dedicated to the kids, going through the morning and bedtime routines, cutting their nails, etc he goes above and beyond for them...and usually, for me as well. But I'm just not feeling it anymore.

I'm scared though...I don't have a plan for who would watch my kids, I don't have enough money for daycare for them, etc. I'm in the south, we would likely move back to the midwest to be with my family. It makes me so nervous to think seriously about these prospects...I don't want to rely on my family but I feel like I would be put in the situation, I would need help. That's scary to be so vulnerable...I just want the best for my kids...and I don't know how my 3 year old would react to a separation.