he says he’s not happy and he doesn’t know why , I was distraught and tried to take my life so went into hospital for 4 weeks, I told them I was no longer feeling suicidal but the thoughts are back, I want to move forward but I can’t see a way forward, we have no children.
How do I do this, my family are so worried about me but I feel nothing but blackness for my future, I have been with him since I was seventeen.

Hi Jane! I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I have been married for 3 years and in a relationship a little over 4 years and it feels so so hard as I’m going through something similar so I can’t imagine you being with your partner for 30 years and now this is happening. I’ve been reading a lot about coping with an unwanted divorce or an unexpected break up. Sometimes there isn’t an exact answer as to why they want to end everything and not even try to salvage the relationship and that’s the hardest part but if your partner doesn’t even want to try and has made a conscious effort to end things it means they don’t think the relationship is worth fighting for. Although there are exceptions where the partner has lost his/her way and might turn around and come back but the hurt never really heals. My spouse left me citing several reasons none of them being my fault. And he is also clinically depressed. I really gave my best to try salvage our marriage but he begged me to let him go and so I did. If someone really wants to be with you they won’t let go so easily whatever their reasons may be. Sometimes we settle for the love we think we deserve but may be we deserve more and better things awaits us. I can’t advice you as to what you should do. But build a strong support system. Rely on your friends and family. And we your virtual friends here on this platform can hopefully comfort you in someways. You will be ok one day someday no matter what happens. Take care of your self and prioritise your needs and self love. Sending your way lots of peace and positive vibes.

Hey Jane,
My hubby has decided to leave after nearly 30 yrs married but we met when I was 16! He’s not happy either, I do feel like it’s all ended for me but we have a daughter ok she’s old enough to make her own Mind up and she’s the reason I’m here, I’m new to this, is there anyway of talking private, thinking about you Jo

Please do not hurt yourself. I've been there before and believe me it will get better even though if may feel like life is over it is far from over.

When you get up each day remember there are many people who love you in your life, the sun comes up each day and we get another chance at life.

Surround yourself with good friends, family and councilling.

PLease take care and stay positive...good things will happen for you it's just going to take some time.

Hi Jane,

This is never easy to hear, but you still have alot of great things ahead of you. If he's not happy and doesn't know why, that's on HIM. Don't waste any more of your time trying to fix an unknown of another!

People right now are lying in hospital beds with COVID, wishing they had one more day to meet someone new, to jump out of a plane, to see their favorite beach one more time. You have your health and a free pass to do new things now. Don't succumb to misery caused by another.

In Dorian Wright's book, "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" (available on amazon.com and Google books), that author had to endure a similar situation as yours. Their divorce came unexpectedly as well. But the book still has a happy ending, and you should too!

It's not easy, but remember that you were your own person *before* you met this guy. It's time to revisit who you were before he came along. Good luck.

If your suicidal thoughts continue please call the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 and talk with someone. Keep calling and talking, there is more life out there for you and the pain will dull in time. This is my first divorce, but I lost a child so I understand how unbearable pain can seem. You can get through it. Don’t try to do it alone.

Hi Jane

You are a strong individual to even have the courage to write this. Your healing begins. It’s hard I am not going to lie because you have been with him since you were a teen. If he wants to leave, take the courage and let him go. You can’t force him to be with you it’s just going to make living with worse. Don’t hurt yourself , never do that ever. Go yo counseling, talk to people you trust about your problem even to a good friend

My husband has left me after 42 years! I know your pain. I don’t feel like being here anymore either sometimes but I also can not do something as selfish as take my own life...as much as some days I’d like to.
I’m struggling every day to get a grip. We haven’t even started paperwork yet.
He only had the balls to do this because he has a new girlfriend he found. That adds another piece to this pain I feel
I have no answer for you other than I know now I’m not alone in this pain and neither are you. Hang in there. Breathe!!

I understand what you are going through. My marriage is falling apart after 23 years, most of them happy. To top it off, my daughter, who is 17. also betrayed me. I am completely alone, and I even have no relatives who could help me. I get treatment for depression, and it really helps. If you have suicidal thoughts, you need to address this with the doctor. Please, don't give in to these urges. You are definitely, not alone in this.

Same here my husband of 33 years!
I found txt on his phone to another woman 6 months ago, we were trying to work it out but now he’s says I’m not in love with you anymore. It’s heartbreaking to hear and I’m crying 24/7 atm. I’ve beg pleaded and lowered myself to get him to stay but he’s adamant we are done. I feel his is in a midlife crisis and really has no care factor other then for himself atm. My children have been great and tell me you will be happier on your own. I can’t see anything but a sad lonely life ahead.

I was with mine for almost 20 years. He has left me too. I am struggling a lot too. I am so so so sorry. It's horrible and it will be horrible for a while. Get yourself a therapist. Mine is helping me a lot. Be really kind to yourself. Just because he doesn't deserve your love, doesn't make you stop loving him.

I, too, was married 30 years and I can relate to just how deep that pain and misery are. I also have a daughter who suffers from depression and anxiety. You need good, understanding, and supportive people around you. You need to speak with a therapist and/or clergy right away. Be good to yourself. You deserve to be well and happy once again.