My husband is just plain mean 80% of the time. Blames it on me saying it’s my fault. He hates his job but that’s the career he has done since he was 18. And it’s my fault he is still stuck doing it he says. We have 4 young kids. Yesterday he got home from work and was upset that he didn’t have his whiskey but I did have beer here that I got 3 weeks ago for myself and I thought he could just drink that instead of me having to bring the kids inside the store with the virus thing going on. I was making dinner. Stopped making dinner and went to the store to get his stuff. When I got back the kids were crying. One was crying because he told him to clean his room or he’ll throw all of his stuff away. Our old dog bumped into the toddler and made him fall. Then my husband started hitting him in the ribs and choking him. So another kid was crying because of that. My oldest tried to get the dog to put him in his room but the dog wasn’t listening and husband then told my son he was going to slam his head into the wall if he didn’t get his head out of his butt. He tells my oldest all the time he isn’t smart and calls him a retard and a moron. He says I don’t clean enough, make enough money or basically do anything right, we went camping last week and it was horrible the whole time. Any time we go on vacation it’s just a bad time. He yelled that we got up there later because I had to work in the morning. Yelled at my oldest that he was a idiot for not putting up the tent correctly. My oldest gets nervous around him and then starts making mistakes because he starts to over think, or doesn’t want to mess up cause he’ll get yelled at. Every time I tell the kids we are going to go on vacation they don’t want to go. Say I have to be by dad and don’t have my room to hide in. Anyways back to last night I came home then put stuff away started to fed the kids and put his dinner away in the fridge. A hour later he went to go get his food and I didn’t put he tacos together I just put them into separate dishes. He started yelling at me that I was making his life harder and he’ll make my life harder and started throwing food that was in the fridge on the floor. I went to go make his tacos and he then stated I’m not hungry you ruined my appetite. So far you ruined my night, anytime I wanna spend with my kids tonight and basically my life you don’t make enough $. It’s not 50% like every other relationship I do everything. Earlier in the day my worked asked me to pick up a extra shift for that night but my husband didn’t want to talk to me about it and kept telling me to go away from him. So I had to turn it down because of him. It’s like this all the time. I don’t know when he is going to get mad. He has broken my stuff my kids stuff. If I start to stand up for myself or the kids he will get physical with me. The other night we got home late from camping asked my oldest son to open the unlock the door and bring his sister upstairs. He was having trouble unlocking the door in the dark husband grabbed the key unlocked the door and pushed the keys into sons chest calling him a idiot. Then my son started to go upstairs with his sister and was going slow he just woke up from sleeping in the car. My husband was trying to go upstairs also he grabbed my sons legs and made him fall on the stairs and started pushing him down on the stairs with his face going into the stairs saying can you go now can you go now. I grabbed my husband’s shirt to get him away from him. Then my husband got into my face. It’s like this 80% of the time. All my family members live out of state and when I bring up me and the kids leaving to go live with them for a little bit he starts to get physical with me saying you go leave my kids here. He has hit my car with a bat, broken my prescription glasses cut up my credit cards put my keys into the toilet when I bring up that I’m not happy. He has spit in my face multiple times. He pulls out $ so we can’t pay rent. Then I have to beg him for the $ back so rent is paid. He has pushed me down and dumped milk on my face a whole gallon on it and held me down. He has dumped trash all over the house and throws food or drinks thinking it’s funny to watch me clean it up. He has pushed me down and started punching me in the head because we were fighting and I stood up for myself. I’ve learned to just not say anything when he is doing this stuff cause if I do it will get worse. He has broken my phone and I didn’t have one for a year and was not aloud to get another one because that was my punishment. He drinks about 5 whiskey and cokes a day. And it’s getting to be expensive for his habit. But I’m to afraid to say anything. He gives me the cold shoulder all the time saying I’m the problem. Calls my fat, dumb, and so on. I don’t know what to do anymore. He threats all the time he isn’t coming home he’ll go to a bar instead. Or if I don’t have enough blank with him he’ll go find it somewhere else. But I’m not attractive towards him because of how he treats us. I just want to leave and take the kids but I know I can’t. So I just stay instead but it sure is getting to me

And he’ll say all of this stuff in front on the kids. Talks about strippers and get other women to black him. I tell him the kids are scared and then he’ll go be super dad to them and try to make up. It sickens me.

He embarrasses me all the time. A couple years ago we lived at one of my moms house for free. The neighbors called my mom complaining about him yelling all the time. He got into it with the neighbor about blowing our driveway she asked if he could do it a specific day so she knew to move her car, he started cussing at her saying no I’ll do it when I want to. He yelled the other day at our neighbors for having too many cars. Other time he sees him calls him a fat *uck under his breath and they have a little boy that plays with my son same grade and same school. The other neighbor they have a trampoline and my dog barks when she’s jumping on it. He starts cussing at the there daughter and then the mom came out and I had to apologize. The other neighbor came up to him telling him he was driving to fast. He started yelling at him telling him to come into our driveway so they could get into a fight. He didn’t get into a fight then told me he deserves a party for not betting the guy up. It’s like this all the time. It’s getting to me.

Hi Kristen,

My question to you is:
What is holding you back from leaving him?

He is clearly abusing you and the kids, there is not a single doubt about it.

Now, 2 options are coming to you.
1. You stay with that man and he'll keep destroying you and the kids.
2. You leave him and save your and your kids' lives.

I know where you are right now and I know it seems like an impossible decision to make. But you can do it.

Please, I beg you, contact me on my personal email.
I really want to help you out. sophie@sophieclement.com

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Hugs and love :kissing_heart:

oh Kristen,

I felt this. all of it. I was married to a horrible narcissistic man for 18 years. reading this brought all the memories back. He only cared about himself and how he was being inconvenienced. I was afraid to go home after work, afraid I didn't clean well enough, or make the right dinner. Kids and I were CONSTANTLY on eggshells as we never knew what would make him explode into rage. He would yell at them, call them stupid and throw their **** everywhere.
I didn't know how to leave. but the ******* ended up cheating on me and that's when I finally stood up for myself and said I was done. I've been separated almost 4 years and it was hard but so worth it. I get to do what I want, wear what I want, be lazy when I want...and I have met the most wonderful, patient man.

please get out for your and your kids sanity and happiness.

please.

hugs. stay strong, but stop putting up with this ****, it's no way to live.

It sounds emotional and physical. You know deep down it is too or you probably wouldn't even ask. I have been in a relationship since I was 15. I am now 49. So I feel so dependent on a person that was never nice to me. I can say the abuse is not physical but emotional and he is a good dad but not husband. I finally got the courage to file for divorce. I hope that you can too. I will pray for you and your situation.

Hi Kristin,

The situation you describe is WITHOUT A DOUBT not only emotional/psychological abuse, but also physical abuse and financial abuse. That's a really bad combination/situation to be living in, for both you and your children.

You see, men like him often start using the children to get a reaction from the person they are partnered with. So I think things will only get worse over time and the attacks on the kids and the dog, and you, are probably going to increase. They say that past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour...
There's also drinking hard liquor every day in large quantities in the picture.

So...there's abuse of multiple kinds, manipulative and threatening language and behaviour, disrespect towards you AND the kids. No apologies. No remorse. No respect or consideration towards neighbours (not even the little girl playing on the trampoline innocently)....

Kristin...listen carefully to what forum members are saying... you and the children ARE IN DANGER. Significant danger. He's indicated that if you try to leave him, he will try to keep the kids with him. DON'T ALLOW HIM to make that situation a reality-You'd be leaving them with an abusive monster :(

You and your kids need to leave, but you need to be smart about it. He cannot find out in advance that you're going or you'll cop a hiding, he'll hide your car keys, he'll potentially hurt the dog and take all the cash out of your bank accounts.

Think carefully...is there anyone you trust (far away from him, preferably) you can go to stay with on a semi-permanent basis, until you can start a new life without him finding out where you and the kids are? When he's at work, pack a bag of belongings each for you and the kids. Put in clothes, official documents that you have to prove your ID (driver's licence, any passports, social security number etc). Any medications you or the kids need/scripts etc. dried snacks like dried fruit etc. Make sure there's fuel in the car
and that you've got your glasses/contact lenses if you need them. Dog food. Water bottles. Etc - Then hide the bags really, really well. Where won't he look? A ceiling cavity? Behind an item of furniture?Try to pack the
bags when the kids are not at home also if you can (so they don't accidentally blurt out that you've been packing). Wait until he's at work (or out drinking) then SEIZE the opportunity to grab the dog, kids, bags (and if you've got time, any valuables you may need to sell later to generate some cash) and LEAVE in the car. Go to the nearest ATM and withdraw all the cash you can (don't do this until last thing though/straight after you drive away, or he may find out/realise what you've done if you do it any earlier in the day). The element of surprise is essential to your safety. Then drive. Safely, not erratically, but drive away to wherever it is that you've pre-arranged. Don't go via his place of work or the bar (or wherever) he's at. You can't risk him following you.

DON'T contact him at all. Temporarily confiscate your kids' phones, in case he tries to use them as pawns to get to you/find out where you are. Block his number on your phone. Depending on how old your kids are, I would either tell them you're going on a vacation with them (hence driving away), or, (and usually the best option) is to tell them the truth: that you want a better life for them. That it's not ok for their dad to hit them or make them feel bad about themselves. Reassure them that they are valued, loved and are amazing people.

If you need to-you can call the police at any time. It sounds as if your neighbours would give him a poor character reference, based on how you say he's treated them.His behaviour is illegal, demeaning, hurtful on many levels and it's not ok for him to take his issues out on you, the kids, and the dog. It doesn't matter whether it's mental health issues, drinking issues, money issues etc etc. THERE'S NO EXCUSE.

Get the heck out...but plan it. Be smart about and and MEAN IT. Do NOT let him convince you to return once you've left him. There's a cycle of abuse - He will never become Prince Charming or the man you'd probably hoped he would be. Please move on before he irrepairibly damages your self-esteem and your kids'.

Let me know how you go. I'm here for you :)