How do you deal with the physical side of heartbreak?
I am working out. I am eating right. But sometimes, this tidal wave of divorce pain literally drops me to my knees. I don't know how to handle this. I have to work. I have to go to school.
Re: How do you deal with the physical side of heartbreak?
Hi,
I’m going though the same thing. Things I have found helpful are:
Positive affirmations-Place a sticky note next to a mirror you look in each morning when getting dressed, with positive affirmations on it.
Remind yourself that this is just a transitional phase if you want it to be and that you WILL meet someone else as a new partner, but only when you’re ready.
Have something positive to look forward to each week: A lunch out, cinema, catching up with a friend, going swimming...whatever makes you feel good.
If you, like me, are the one who was left, don’t beat yourself up emotionally. I’ve been married to a very self-centred, narcissistic man. I tried everything I could to keep our marriage together. Everything. But nothing worked. I keep reminding myself of how shouted at I was, how constantly I was put down, how my self-confidence was eroded, bit by bit. If you think about the negative attributes of how your relationship was, would you really want yourself to be treated like that again?
Try to fill the quiet times with music, gardening, going to markets etc. Keep your mind occupied, but also have some quiet ‘me’ time - like taking a bubble bath.
You are bound to have crap days when you don’t feel you can hold it together. That’s perfectly normal. But if the feelings become overwhelming, you may want to consider seeing a counsellor to share your feelings/get some support. Anti-depressants for a while can also potentially help with elevating your mood, in the medium-term. You are still grieving, so be kind to yourself.
Writing a journal can help sometimes also: Particularly if you’ve had a crap day and have no one to come home to, to whom you can vent! It takes time to learn, or re-learn, how to live alone and it’s often not an easy path. I’ve been reading forum posts to help cope also. We are certainly not alone in finding it tough-going. You are amazing! Really! A wonderful woman who’s been thrown into the deep-end after divorce/separation. Some days you’ll feel like you’re drowning, and although you may only just be treading water, the shore is insight. The land of the free. New horizons, new sunrises and sunsets, new opportunities that will come your way. You’re doing all the right things re: eating right and exercising. Now focus on the psychological well-being aspects also. One day at a time. Breathe... Living your best life is the best ‘revenge’ so-to-speak. Accept that your ex is not coming back and think about what did and didn’t work in that relationship, so you have ‘tools’ for the next one. Think about your surroundings at home also: Is it your style of decor, or one you’ve inherited? If there’s lots of your ex hanging around still re: furniture etc, maybe change that so it feels more ‘yours.’ It can even be odd (and a little scary) making large decisions without a second opinion from a spouse if you were married a long time. I get that, but practise makes perfect and we’re bound to make errors sometimes, but should try not to beat ourselves up!
A final thing (and sorry for the long post!) is to consider getting a cat if you don’t already have one. A dog takes quite a lot of time commitment, but cats are generally less resource-intensive and it can be nice to have ‘someone’ greet you at the end of the day, rather than return to a quiet space. I hope some of these tips help. Hugs 🤗