After a 20yr marriage of ups and downs, I'm finally done. There is so much history and I've been unhappy for years. I do care about him as a person, but there is nothing more.
I have told him I do not love him as a wife should and that I don't see that ever changing. I agreed to try marriage counseling, but it is only reinforcing my desire to move on.
My issue is that I feel so much guilt for wanting it to be over, especially due to the timing. I know that he loves me in his own way and he's been trying to be what he should have always been. I see he's trying, but it is too late for me.
I worry that he will hurt himself (a very real concern). He doesn't want to lose the house, but I don't know if he can afford it on his own.
I'm trying to work past the guilt because it's time I finally put myself first. Anyone have any words of wisdom to help me past this?
I totally understand your hesitation to be completely done. You still care for him and don't want anything to happen to him. My ex (married 30 years) led our family to believe that he might harm himself. There were daily wellness calls and occasional unannounced visits to his apartment. He even inquired for the return of a firearm, which I refused of course. We learned it was just manipulation tactics and to deter me from filing for divorce. Once I filed, his behavior changed to anger and constant contesting of the terms of the divorce. You know when you've had enough and need to move on. Be kind to him, but continue on the path of your new life.
Thanks for that! Sometimes, as dumb as it sounds, having someone give me "permission" to put me first helps. I give so much that doing anything for myself feels entirely selfish.
Unfortunately, his threats cannot be blown off as easily at just manipulation. He did have an attempt that almost was successful. That is my fear. I know I can't control his actions, but the weight of that possibility is crushing.
However, I need to move on. I'll be getting things lined up so when it's time, there will be no reason to look back. It is time to put me first.