Hi. I randomly received copies of very sexually explicit texts between someone and my husband a few days ago. I had to tell him to leave, my marriage of 34 years is over. I'm devastated, can barely function. I know it'll get better in time, but holy ****, this is the most intense pain I've felt in my life. My 3 adult daughters are distraught beyond. He's lost everything but he's staying with this other woman because he can't handle being alone.He chose her over his children. Typical scenario, she's way younger (he's 60), big fake lips, big fake breasts, wtf. I have had to grab stuff that is important to me and I'm moving. I. just need to vent but someone please tell me that this gets a bit easier from day to day. I haven't felt that yet. Such grief. Omg.

Hi Joan,

I can only imagine what you must be going through. I was with my husband for 4 years and married for 3 and we are now separated and will be divorcing by next year. My case is different compared to yours. My ex was struggling with mental health issues and couldn’t cope and I just couldn’t save our marriage as he just gave up. I felt betrayed and abandoned but I know part of it is his illness but still he will never know how much he hurt me. All that to say being with someone for 4 years and having to go through this is causing me so much sorrow and pain so to imagine your 34 years of marriage ending and the way it is ending sounds extremely difficult and tragic. This pain and anguish is every bit real but will not last forever. The hard part about coming to terms sometimes is that you think you knew your partner very well and even if you knew them for a long time you can still never really know them completely. I don’t know what hurts more the betrayal or not being with them anymore. It’s probably both. I’m so so sorry you are going through this painful process. Please rely on your children, extended family and friends who can help you help yourself to get through this. Take care of your physical and mental health and right now prioritise yourself and keep yourself engaged with your hobbies or anything that you like. Time heals everything. It is hard to imagine sailing through storm while you’re amidst it but with baby steps you’ll find yourself at peace one day someday. Until then take good care of yourself. I’m sending you lots of strength, peace and love 💖

Hi Joan, Sorry for your emotional pain and shock. It’s unfortunately, a common situation - older man, younger ‘plastic person’ - fake everything woman - often looking for a sugar daddy to fund their ‘Kardashian’ aspirations and/or to get a visa/residency if they’re ‘foreign.’

Protect your money at this stage. Try to think clearly even though things have gone to ****e. Cut off all joint credit cards/joint bank accounts- protect your credit rating - you don’t want to be paying for her lifestyle...

Often, it’s a completely sex-driven relationship. I doubt they’ll have a lot in common once the ‘honeymoon period’ of their relationship is over and daily, boring chores and routine set in. That’s when cracks might start to appear in their ‘relationship’ -especially if his money starts to run low too... If there’re from different decades, the movies, music and TV shows that are their ‘faves’ are likely to be incompatible!

‘He can’t handle being alone’....I don’t think that’s it...This sounds like a purely sex-driven situation. They become infatuated and all reason goes out of the window. I know it’s unfair, but I think no matter how much you want him to reverse the situation right now, it’s highly unlikely. The best way forward is to look after your mental health, take care of yourself, your finances, your kids and to hell with him...He may regret leaving you in a few months time: How would you feel if he turns around then and comes back to you? Has he ever been unfaithful before?..

Surround yourself with kindness. You’ve been married a long time so you’re bound to be in shock and angry. It’s only natural. Be the best you can be right now, and be proud. Don’t compare yourself to the little tart! He’s a fool for having given up an amazing woman. Live your life to the fullest from a position of pride and strength. Then, when he potentially comes ‘running back,’ you will be calling the shots, not him re: whether you decide to take him back or not.

Tips for positive mental health:

Eat healthily
Watch happy movies
Listen to happy, not sad, music
Exercise
Take bubble baths
Yoga
Mindfulness
Get a pet (if you’re feeling lonely and want ‘someone’ to come home to)
Get a facial/massage/pedicure
Throw out reminders of him
Meet with friends
Plan how you want your new digs to feel, not just look-decorate it your way...
Write a daily journal to get your frustrations out
What makes you happy? If it’s a safe, healthy thing-Do more if it! If it makes you feel sad, lonely, lost - Ditch it (including any fair weather friends who make you feel worse)

Hugs, x