My husband and I have been together for 25 years since we were very young 15 and 16 years old..he was my best friend my everything..We have 3 children who are 23,21 and 16 and we are now raising my 2 grandbabies and have been since birth due to our daughter fighting addiction...But right now my life feels like it's falling apart I feel like my husband whom just turned 40 is seriously having a midlife crisis and I wasn't quite sure what was going on until I had his phone in my hands and he received an email from "freaky roxy" and then I saw an inappropriate picture he had taken of himself in our children's bathroom my heart just fell out this was a man devoted to me and our family and now I don't recognize him at all ...He was getting credit cards and paying to talk to these women well here it is November and I found out he's been speaking to a 21 year old girl who he tells he loves her among other things I am in pure shock he keeps telling me he was never going to meet her he also said that for 5 years his feelings towards me were different although he never Expressed that nor did anything change between us until all of this came to light ..I've lost about 20 pounds I can't eat I can't sleep I feel like I'm doing everything possible to "fix" this situation and he's trying very little I know in my heart I should ask him to leave but I'm a stay at home mom and have been throughout most of our children's upbringing and now we have the two babies to bring up and I don't know how to deal with this we have never had these struggles what so ever and I'm praying to get my husband back I just don't know if it's even possible.

I’m so sorry to hear about what’s happened. It sounds like maybe one (or more) of three things: A midlife crisis (and being flattered by the attention of a 21 year old), a sex addiction (taking inappropriate photos of himself), or escapism from the current situation. Taking care of two young grandchildren, whilst admirable, will sure eat into ‘couples time’ and maybe he’s footing the financial cost of you staying at home and the cost to raise them also? No excuse for his behaviour, but potential ‘reasons’ maybe?

I think he needs to prove to you that he’s going to stop the behaviour. This girl is about the same age as two of your adult children. Ask him how he’d feel if one of them received a lewd bathroom photo from a 40 year old man! I’d insist he change his phone number and cut his SIM card up in front of you. Of course, he may just give her his new number but there’s symbolism in the act. I’d also make sure you get some couples time alone. Do some fun things together.

He may well end up walking out on you (I sincerely hope not though). How will you cope financially (as well as emotionally), if that happens? Downsizing the family home maybe, to release some equity?

You mention he’s doing very little to fix the situation and that he’s felt different towards you for 5 years. Is that when your first grandchild came along? Does he resent the commitment of parenting when he’s a grandparent, not a father to the children? What if your daughter has a further 3 or 4 etc babies?!

I think a full and frank discussion is needed between you. There doesn’t seem to be much commitment from him to stop contacting her (or other sex sites). Has he sent money to any of them? Have you checked? He may well be being led up the path by these young women-maybe potential fraudsters even, preying on desperate middle-aged men-who knows... but it’s got to stop. He’s committing online emotional infidelity, if not actual in-person infidelity. A lot of blokes watch porn, but sending indecent images is on another level. Confront him. Calmly, but directly. Ask him if he’d be willing to switch to looking at ‘men’s magazines’ instead maybe? At least that would get her out of his life. What if you sexy things up in your marriage? Two’s company, three’s a crowd: It’s either her or you. He needs to decide and stop treating you like a doormat.

Hey I think the 5 year thing really is just an excuse I mean he's literally never said anything like that till now I really do feel like it's a combination of a midlife crisis and all the stress of the last 3 years with our daughters addiction plus the addition of the babies because she had them so close together..I truly believe it all came from that..on the other hand he keeps downplaying how serious this is and that I'm overreacting that he's never met her nor does he intend too but I'm tired of it and I'm reaching my breaking point..he is definitely going to have to make a decision I can't take much more..I feel like I keep holding onto hope he's going to snap out of this because truly he's never done anything like this before but I'm really starting to worry that he really believes he has true feelings for this person.. even though he has to "pay" to talk to her I can't even believe I'm saying that like I feel like he's blind or something to the fact she's probably playing him but I'm also thinking he's addicted to this website and the rush he gets from using it..either way he needs to stop or he will leave me with no other alternative then to ask him to leave.