I have pondered divorce for a while now but have never been sure if the root cause of my unhappiness is my relationship with my husband or with the stress of this time in our lives. We have three young children and we both have demanding careers which means very little time for fun. It’s all routines and every day feels like a repeat of the last.
When I think about our relationship, I don’t really feel anything. I don’t miss him when he’s gone and I’m not excited to see him when I get home from work. We’re very opposite in most ways and there is always friction between us on decisions big and small. I can’t say that I enjoy the intimacy either or that it really does much for me. I also find myself thinking of other men regularly, though I have never cheated and would never cheat. I want to feel like I’m on the same page with my partner, I want to light up when I see my partner and miss him when he is away. He is a great father and is also a dedicated husband - I know he loves me. This blah feeling isn’t what I envisioned for marriage but I don’t know if I’m just fantasizing about a mystical world of marriage that doesn’t exist in real life.
I don’t want to break our children with a divorce. It makes me sick to think about that. But I also don’t want to stay in a blah marriage and look back in the future and wish I had left.
Yes, it’s totally normal! The routine, the responsibility of working to pay bills, keep a roof over your head, childcare responsibilities etc etc etc! It sounds as if you’ve ended up on the proverbial hamster wheel! Many, many couples do-often, without realising...
Thankfully, you’ve had a bit of a wakeup call that things are making you feel a bit miserable/unchallenged/not excited by life. So...what are you going to do to change things up? It sounds as if your husband is nice/responsible etc. You obviously have a sex life (which is more than some busy parents!)
I think, rather than change partner, change the routine, and see if things improve for you. Then, have a review of how you are feeling at THAT point.
What expenses are you having to pay currently, that you could reduce or cut out all together? Every dollar you don’t have to earn, potentially means less hours at work = more time for relaxation and play! How can you get off the hampster wheel? Can you work part-time instead of full-time?
Do you and your husband have ‘date night’ at least once a month to be goofy with each other, without kids in tow? Have you tried a new hobby together? A new wine? Can you plan a mini vacation -even locally-just to break the routine up a little?
I would, personally, trying mixing things up a little with your family routine/reduce responsibility re: how much you have to earn (downsize the house? Drive a less fancy car?) -What can you do to work less/have more time for fun?! Play at life a little more and smile! You have lots going for you in your current situation: It’s easy to tend to see the negatives more than the positives when you’re feeling bored and unchallenged :) Good luck - Hope lots of smiles come your way to lift you back to happiness 😀