Hello
I have been married for 33 years
We had an fight and during the fight husband lightly pushed me from my should and said to me “you lucky to be alive”
These phrase scared me and I left home
We had many arguments before but this phrase is something I took it seriously and I am filing for divorce because I am afraid of him killing me now ...
What do you think of this phrase?
Was he planning to kill me someday or ?
Thank you
Please let me know what do think of that phrase definition?
“You lucky to be alive” during an argument that my husband said

Lots of things can be said in the heat of the moment during arguments. Lots of hurtful ‘home truths,’ accusations, and sometimes threats. What has his behaviour been like before? Has he touched you/pushed you/hit you in anger ever before? Did you shove him also during this argument?

Hi Kaz
Thank you for responding
He did pushed me and cursed me before
But never mentioned that horrible and scare phrase.

He did throw a bottle of vitamin That was in the kitchen counter during this argument and than I throw back At him
He can be a very controlling person too
He gets mad really fast for no reason

Hi Kaz
Hope you are well and safe
I forgot to mentioned that when he throw the bottle at me and throw back to him neither of us got hit ..
I am going to explain the reason we got into this argument is ?
We manage some rental properties and one of the tenant texted me and requested a copy of the keys for the laundry room (this particular tenant does not get along with my husband they always ended it up yelling at each other) and when I mentioned to my husband to make a copy of the keys he go upset and told me how was she using the laundry room all this time without any keys...when I texted the tenant she told me at times the laundry room door was unlocked
I explained to my husband and he told me not to respond to her text ... and I said to him how can I not she has the right to have the keys and if it was another tenant that was tough he would give the copy right away (which is true I know) and that is the time he pushed me from my shoulder and said “you like to be alive” and I told him how can u say this to your own wife the mother of your two kids (he did not react and not even said I am sorry I did not meant it)
And the next day I found out that he gave the copy of keys to the tenant (uau)
I decided to leave the following day without telling him and filed for divorce I am scare to go back after he told that horrible phrase
(By the way my daughter is 31yrs old and my son is 32yrs old they also do not get along with their father he is very controlling
That is not the first time he pushed me and also cursed at me before
When we fight he always tell me
“How stressful I am to him “

My question is
Why he does not live me if I am an stressful person right ?
Why I feel sorry for him ?
(He also have a heart problem (cardiomyopathy and asthma ) and ICD device (pacemaker with a defibrillator) for about 4
years) he does not drink or smoke neither do I
In 2011 I filed for a separation because I knew he was having an affair (emotional affair) with one of the tenant of the building which she still lives and it makes me sick to my stomach and sad every time I need to go at that building .
But I forgave him and gave him a chance ...
I do want a divorce Now even though I feel sorry for him and scare of him Please let me understand why I feel this way
Is it normal ?
All I wish is that he can find someone else to take care of him and be happy and leave me alone and he goes on with his life
It has been 3 months already that we have been separated ...about 2 months ago he texted me a video of himself begging for me to come back, he cannot image my life without me, why I am doing this to him, our love is strong , he is in suicidal watch etc...
Thank you for reading my story
Hope Everyone have a Healthy and Happy New Year
Be Safe Everyone 🙏

Hi Ann,

Sometimes when we have been married for a long time, it’s hard to let go of a relationship, despite it not being a happy one. There’s a kind of ‘familiarity’ that keeps us persevering. A fear of the unknown can keep us in an unhappy/unhealthy situation.

How have you felt the past 3 months since leaving him? Is your life more peaceful/happier? Couples have their good and bad times-that’s only natural and part of human nature...but the fact you took his threat seriously enough to move out, means to me, that you were genuinely scared he might follow though with it this time? If so, that’s no way to live...living in fear. You probably feel a sense of guilt, because of his health issues, but you are not his nurse, not his doctor...He is a grown man who has lived for the past 3 months now without you, perfectly okay.

Maybe he regrets his behaviour? Maybe he’s missing his ‘nursemaid’ because you took care of him? But this is about YOU and how you feel. It’s your life. How you decide to live it, is your choice. Don’t be emotionally ‘guilted’ into returning to him. Conversely, if you miss him too and feel safe returning, you could have a trial period of moving back to him. I’m really not sure about that though, as this doesn’t sound like the first time he’s threatened you? Not a good sign... and I’d personally be quite reluctant to risk that?

Hi Kaz
Actually I am in peace I do not have to worry about anymore of what I need to say or talk to him without him being angry at me... most of the time I needed to think before I have to open my mouth with him without being verbally hurt...
Of course there are times I cried ....after 33 years of marriage is a long time
I am OK for now
I need to be strong and positive life goes on ...
(Now he will realize how stressful it is without me being there)
Since every time we have an argument he used to say
“how stressful I am to him” I like to get along with everyone no matter where they are from...be kind to each other
(Most of my tenants knows how my husband is that is why the tenants rather talk to me when anything needs to be fix )
They all know that he has a temper
He likes to yell at the tenants sometimes which is un-acceptable I feel so embarrassed when he does that ...
Hope the New Year brings healthy and happiness to all ✌️
And the COVID-19 will be over soon so we all can go on with our life without any fear 🙏
Take care

Hi Kaz
Question?
In your opinion Liking a person is more important than Love
(As a husband and wife)
The reason I am asking couples of years ago my husband told me he loves me but he does not like me (at that time we were not having any argument )

Hi
I know Love ❤️ conquers all obstacle ...(except being verbally abused or physical abused) .but I am realizing that liking a person is more important than Love! Why am I thinking this way ?
What do you all think?
Thank you

Hi, I thought I’d reply to this post as it looked like the question had been posted by me! But it wasn’t!

Anyway....My response is- Both are important eg. While sometimes I didn’t like my husband (eg when we’d had an argument, or he’d done something to offend me), but love still managed to stand the test of time. I couldn’t help myself. I was still like a smitten teenager around him; gazing into his eyes, hanging onto his every word...He’s now divorcing me after a 32 year marriage in which he’s dictated everywhere we’ve lived, who we socialised with etc. Am in love with him still? Yes (bizarrely enough, but that’s because I’d let him ‘steer’ our marriage/he’s a narcissist). Do I like him and his behaviours though? No. Not at all. They are completely at odds with my own values.

‘Love’ is not always something that can be put into words. It’s a feeling Which encompasses feeling ‘whole’ and connected when you cuddle up with your partner. It also encompasses companionship, being pleased to see each other, making shared future goals together, telling each other that you love one another. It involves taking care of your partner when they feel unwell etc. Being loyal and demonstrating commitment through words, actions and deeds...

Whether you ‘like’ your partner can be bound up with their actions (positive or negative), whether they respect you, whether they enjoy hanging out with you, whether they’re trustworthy etc.

People can fall out of love. Often, they just don’t know why. They say things like ‘the spark just isn’t there anymore.’ Again...often it’s an indescribable ‘feeling’ that no words can accurately describe.

Your husband saying he loves you, but doesn’t like you. Either he’s upset about something he thinks you are doing (are you?) that’s annoying or irritating to him (like nagging, or insisting things are done in a certain way, or you focusing on a hobby or career that makes him feel inadequate or shut out in some way), or perhaps your physical appearance no longer appeals to him and he’s shared that information with you, but you’ve made no attempt to work on anything? etc...It could be anything. In this situation, it’s better to have a heart-to-heart talk and lay all cards calmly on the table to see if either of you are willing to work on an issue that the other isn’t happy about. Love can actually mean ‘familiar’ eg. I love you - Can actually be translated sometimes as ‘I’m familiar with being married to you, we have shared memories and experiences, I like the family we’ve created and so I’m happy to keep chugging along in the relationship.’ But...what good is that if your husband says he doesn’t actually ‘like’ you too?! That’s a pretty hurtful statement for him to say. Maybe he was just in a bad mood with you at the time? Friendship/liking your partner is important. Love/sex/romance tends to wear a bit thin, the longer we’re married, therefore liking each other is important-especially during retirement when couples will be spending potentially much, much more time in each other’s company!

‘Like-levels’ can vary sometimes (and often do - as no one is perfectly ‘likeable’ at all times-and a partner can even be downright dislikable and deliberately annoying sometimes!), but when feelings of ‘love’ stop...that’s problematic, as this can’t always be ‘fixed’ no matter how hard one partner tries to ‘make things better again...’ If the feeling’s gone, it’s often gone completely...and permanently. No point in ‘forcing’ or begging and pleading for someone to show ‘love’ towards their partner when it simply is no longer felt in their heart. That only leads to heartbreak and emotional pain (As proven by all the hundreds of broken heart love songs on Spotify...)

Hi Kaz
Opps ...the question I asked meant to be for you Sorry
Because your words can be so helpful for me to heal and stay strong you have doing to everyone in the forum too God Bless you
The reason he told me he does not like me but he loves me is because when my daughter and my son were young after graduating high school my son wanted to be a Veterinarian and my daughter wanted to be a English Teacher (but my now ex-husband wanted them to be a Lawyer) of course we as a parents want the best for them....and they ended up choosing what their Father asked for being a lawyer (which was not their decision) back then my ex and I always argued about it which I told him let our Kids follow their dream .... and he got angry at me saying why I am not in his side by supporting him to convince for our Kids to be lawyers and he said to me also that see how stressful I am to him (We paid for their own education by being a lawyer) I always been proud of my Kids and I am still proud of what they became
They did finished their law education .....but my Daughter pursuit her dream by being a Teacher (she is teaching now) and my Son is a successful business man ....
Ex husband is a controlling Father and Husband
Both of my Kids does not want to be in their Father Life (because back in October 2020 he treated me by saying “you like to be alive” after an silly argument which you read when I posted on this forum for the first time
I remembered when my ex told many years ago when he said to me that I have to agree with him no matter what even if it’s wrong this is one of them ....
There was a black color item and an white color item if he says the black color is white even though is black I should agree with him.... and I told him how can I say that if the item is black is black why should I say white just because he said it (that’s crazy)

After I filed for divorce I felt really sorry for him because he ended up loosing his Kids too
(None of them do not want him in their life)
I had enough of him controlling me always thinking of what I have to say before I opened my mouth so he will not became angry and yelled at me for silly reason .... most of the time he had a temper
I am tired of him telling me “ see how stressful I am to him “ every time we argue
Thank you Kaz
Take care and be safe

Hi Kaz
Hope you are well and safe 🙏
I am not sure if you have read this post ☺️