After 15 years of marriage and multiple affairs and dishonesty, I have decided to end our marriage, I haven’t filed yet but will, as soon as we meet with a mediator. Our house will not be able to go on the market until March (for tax purposes) so we are both living in the same house in different rooms. It has been very hard to see him and waking up every morning knowing he is out “working” so he says. I have found out about his affairs due to my abilities to track him and have heard voice recordings and have confronted him but always denies or has a story of how things aren’t the way I see them. I have even started to question myself if I’m crazy, the facts are there and I’m not crazy. He says he loves me and wants to work things out for the kids. We have tried counseling and things seem to get better but he always ends up cheating again. The last one was when I found a sensual healing card in his wallet, on payday he withdrew $200 and turned off his tracker. I was still able to track him, He met up with someone at a massage parlor for an hour. I asked him what he used the money for and he has now said that I am right and that we should divorce.
I am not faced with living with him for 4 more months and I don’t think I am able to do it since I still love him but I know this relationship will never work. He is a serial cheater that will not change and I have accepted that but I don’t know how to continue living in the same house as him...
I am so new here, just popped on tonight. Just think of all the times he cheated, lied, betrayed you. I’m finally at the end of my rope after 21 years of marriage. The promises to change, the lies, they never end. It took me telling someone something that happened to come back a week later and say it to me, it was a man saying what type of spouse treats their spouse like that? That moment was so emotional, so powerful, it cut me like a knife. I finally realized that I didn’t want this, him, none of it. After 20+ years of marriage, 30 together i am finally done. I don’t know what it’s like to be alone but being alone is so much better than being in an abusive situation. Mine was verbal, mental, constant lies. I’m sure yours is too.
Am I scared? Terrified, but I know I’ll be better off. I finally know this is a marriage of circumstance, I’m the care taker and he’s the one that’s able to act like a teenager. I hope you can get to where i am, I have been through things that could be a movie on Lifetime. So messed up but it’s now time. I’m stronger than I ever was because I know if I stay it will never change, people do NOT change. We’re enablers, do you because he’s doing him and not caring about you at all.
I’m sorry to sound so bitter but the fact is he’s an ******* just like my husband and we deserve happiness. Finally, I’m here, finally I’m done, I finally had the moment. It was crazy and it happened. My point is that I should have done it so many years ago and was afraid, then listening to all the bs I’ll change promises. Things change for a few months. Do you, you deserve to be happy. He’s not the one but the one is out there and you wasting your life away while he’s living his is not going to help you find your person
First off, you are most-probably not crazy. If you read the book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" by Dorian Wright (available at Google Books and Amazon), you will see that their spouse also lied and withheld their actions, until all of the evidence was basically presented to them in an "I've got you" fashion.
People who know what is going to happen if they get busted will do everything possible to keep it under wraps. They will also do so if their "plan for escape" (if any) is brought to light earlier than they wanted it to be (which is also what happened to the author mentioned above).
I am sorry to hear this is happening to you, but I am here to tell you that you know this person better than anyone: if you can personally feel that these cheating events are happening, then most-likely, they are.
Do right by yourself and use the rest of your life being with someone who will be better to you. Good luck.