You are stronger than you think and your happiness and freedom and worth it even if the prize is leaving your partner behind.

I will tell you briefly my case, as this may help.


I was in a similar situation, married for 14 years. Years ago, my ex-partner stated making comments about my background and my family I originally thought he was making silly jokes but then the behaviour escalated to full blown xenophobic speeches every other moth, then every week, then at any time which I took silently for years. In addition to the above my ex-partner was a compulsive liar and had serious anxiety and mental health issues which he refused to accept, and I continued accepting all that behaviours for years. I tried so hard and my friends started seeing how sad I was and I felt embarrassed to say anything, I felt ashamed and sad. He would also tell me every day that I was unwell, that something was wrong with me, that something was wrong in my head, he tried to destroy my self-confidence but didn't manage to.

I moved out of the bedroom a few months back as I could not even share the smaller space with him. He would wake me up before dawn shouting, blaming me for his bad health. Every time I heard him walking into the room I was in, my heart would jump as I was worried ans scared of the new abuse he would inflict on me.
When pics were taken I could see how sad and miserable I looked while trying to pretend I had a happy family for my daughter. I begged him for years to please accept we were done and to separate. He would not accept any of that.

Last year, my daughter started crying, being sad for no reason and that was the last push I needed. It takes a lot of courage to leave, it is so hard and it is incredibly daunting, and I was very scared to start over a s ingle mum but I gathered the courage to walk away. I left my property behind, my belongings, I just managed to take away a few bits and pieces to get by. I was so scared but I had amazing support from very few friends as I managed to situation very quietly as it was a sensitive matter.

It has been 4 months since I took the step. I started over, I furnished a new apartment with love and with the small amount of things me and my daughter needed to be happy and calm.

The night I left, I slept well and through the night, it was the best nigh sleep I had had for years and it was so worth it.

I am not going to lie, it is hard but my happiness is worth it, I look better, I feel better, I am relaxed and calm. I had a massive waive of support from everyone and to my surprise everyone had noticed how sad and miserable I was.

I am now fighting a very expensive legal battle as he is being the most difficult person I can think of and you need to be prepared, physically and mentally to let things go. It will be hard to draw a balance to begin with as abusers often try to continue abusing you through your children but that cannot be forever and I am sure you will be the best woman and mum you can. Your kids will surprise you about how mature and understanding they can be.

Do take legal advice as this can help you to plan ahead.

You can do it, choose you over anything else.

Good luck!

This happened to me. I’m currently considering divorce because my husband watches porn and can’t seem to be sexually connected to me. He also hates himself so when he sees I’m confident he gets jealous. I wish I had answers for you but I’m trying to find some as well

I’ve been married for 30 terrible years and I promise he will never change. You want a happy life then get out now!

As I read these stories I’m angry with my own situation. I have live with this man for 30 years and there’s not one thing that stands out as a happy moment. He is controlling and a master of it. He knows exactly how to manipulate and brags about how good he is. I want to leave but also afraid of “the new life”! As mean as he is, he has always taken care of me. I has surgery last week and he was the perfect nurse! So confused...

I’ve been married for 7 year he’s cheated he hides his phone I know I’m miserable but I just can’t leave I’ve tried but I always cry and ask him to stay I feel dead inside.