Unfortunately, it sounds as if he’s having both a midlife crisis and an affair :(
Stop having sex with him. He’ll just be using you in a ‘have his cake and eat it’ way.
Get a lawyer and a counsellor in your corner who can help guide you through what’s unfortunately probably on the cards.
Be kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself. Many men get to a certain age when they start perceiving their current life as unfulfilling and unrewarding; often, there’s nothing we can do to woo them back. We bend over backwards, tie ourselves in knots, beg and plead-but actually, that just seems to make them leave faster. Being aloof, moving into a different bedroom and not being available to him, might just tip him back towards you. Men like a challenge, so don’t be overly easy to ‘get!’
You have to draw a line in the sand and start defending yourself and stop pretending this isn't happening. Sadly it is happening.
You need a lawyer. You also might visit your local law library and start learning as much as you can about the process of divorce.
You need to be collecting documents and as much information as possible about your finances, where investments are, etc. It might be wise to be slightly clandestine.
You still love him--that's good. You can tell him you want to work things out with him and offer to get help from counselors or pastors but it takes two to do this. The judge won't look kindly as him if he refuses all counseling attempts.
You also need to figure out how to cover the costs of your divorce. Sometimes there are divorce lawyers who have loan groups they work with. Other people go to court and ask the judge to order the spouse to pay the costs of your lawyer. Finally, you or a family member might have the resources to pay your lawyer. With children involved it's more expensive...we're talking tens of thousands of dollars.
His goal will be to give you as little money as possible. Your goal will be to get as much as possible. He may claim he has nothing. IF you have information about how much money the two of you truly have, then it's probably not worth it to fight the divorce because it will cost you too much money to do so. As time goes along, If you're pretty sure he is hiding assets and hasn't been open about money matters make sure you get an attorney to subpoena all brokerage accounts, stocks, etc that you're pretty sure you have. Subpoenas are inexpensive-but it's still best to have the account numbers, the passwords, the amounts yourself. Start making copies.
Eventually it will be about money and how you you will survive.
The divorce isn't over until you sign off on the divorce papers. You have to decide if it's best to fight the divorce. It might be best to fight it if you think the two of you have significant assets that are worth fighting for that you don't have information about.
That being said, it's nice to fight for your husband(with counseling ) as well as fighting for money and property. You might also ask other male friends or family and/ or spiritual advisers to confront your husband or even have an intervention. Your dignity should eventually lead you to draw a line in the sand and move into another room in the house--but not before you've collected info. You love him, but you also care for yourself.
It seems he's breaking your heart, which shows you have a heart filled with love. This says much about your kindness and dignity and value. Remember your heart may be broken but you need to get a few other friends or family members who will help you with the emotional devastation. You will need hugs and support. Don't be afraid to ask for emotional support. Let people know you need help.
I am sorry you are going through this