So sorry Diane for what you’re going through. What about council housing? Can get get on a wait list for a three bedroom home? What benefits will you be able to claim? What about child support/maintenance payments for your kids (I don’t know their ages) and spousal maintenance for you? Can you prove to a court how much he earns compared to you? What about savings and investments? A private pension he has maybe? Tot it all up-Everything combined...cars, motorbikes-anything of significant value and go for 60% of everything (minus debt). I’m not sure, without reading your past blogs, whether you are still at the divorce negotiation stage? If so, be persistent. If you’re at the stage where you’re selling your home, maybe you’re beyond negotiations now and a court has made a decision?

Finances and dealing with his infidelity and her smugness seem to be the major factors worrying and stressing you? Exercise a little smugness of your own! Hold your head high. Act like they’re the stink on your shoe you want nothing to do with, and focus on the housing situation. That’s the priority right now? What about shared equity schemes? Are there any locally? 🤗

Hi kaz
I won’t qualify for council housing due to the equity from the house, the waiting list is at least 7 yrs and I am stuck between a rock and a hard place , the divorce had cost me so far £1500 , with another amount of 1k , I have had to put this on my credit card, I have been told that if he disagrees with with any of the financial side , it will cost thousands going backwards and forwards to court, he had told me he will let me have the equity from the house, I have been told by solicitor that if he did not agree to that , i could go for half equity, half his pension , but he has recently cashed some in , and spousal support of between 300 to 500 a month, the problem is , this will be backwards and forwards in the courts, if he ever lost his job , I would not get any spousal support , pensions can go down as well as up, if he disappeared off to another country to live , I would be screwed, we were originally going to retire to france, I would not put it past him to bugger off to france with her . I cannot see her liking me getting spousal support, less money for her to get her hands on.

I want him out of my life as just looking at him makes me feel physically sick , that’s why I prefer the equity, just so angry and upset he has left me in this position.
I have papers to send back , my main worry is that the house is not even on the market yet, the divorce will be finalised if there are no shenanigans from him in about 11 weeks , I have to send off for the nisi , then start talking about finances, once that is sorted then the absolut, my worry is that the divorce will come through and the house will takes ages to sell, he will then stop paying the bills , which puts me up **** creek , admittedly he would then get a ccj which would ruin his credit score .
He has got nasty and doesn’t understand why I don’t trust him , the fact that he is a prolific liar seems to escape his memory .
My sons are 19 , they cannot afford much rent , but are chipping in , the divorce is really stressing them out , they do not understand, Archie gets stressed easily and ended up with ocd , this caused him to have a breakdown , and threatened t take his life on more than one occasion , have managed to get him back almost on the straight and narrow, but don’t want to push it, as a few weeks ago he got really stressed , he got quite bad the other week and stated that Mark was a fat **** who shagged *****s , and he lost the plot said we would never leave the house it wouldn’t sell etc, I spoke to Mark and explained what happened and said I was worried about Archie, calmly explained had not just caused me hurt but our sons as well, explained what Archie said, his answer was , oh so he called me names , I will be having words with him, it totally escaped him that he is fat , he is a *** and he does shag *****s, Archie is telling the truth , but instead of being ashamed of his actions and what it has done to his son who is 19 , he said I will be having words , he has no idea , he is a 56 yr old man who should know better, but as usual everyone else is to blame except him.
I just have to be positive and not get stuck in the rut of worrying , I sent some texts to him telling him exactly how I felt, as he has never let me talk about it , he just gets aggressive and nasty, or he just ignores my questions, totally gaslighting me , so I rattled off countless texts and have now blocked him , I really don’t think he is all there mentally, he came round to do some diy on the house, on Saturday , this where it all went pear shaped , he bought a particular colour paint for the door, which does not go with anything , I asked why that colour, he said I remember you saying a couple of years ago you liked that colour, so I got it for you , he bought dog treats for the dogs, why I have no idea, because of him we are losing the dogs, he cannot talk about the elephant in the room ,it’s almost , like, hey I cheated on you, but everything is cool because I bought you that paint colour you like , he won’t address the fact that I will be up the creek because of him and her , and I will be stuffed financially and possibly homeless , I stood there and told him all of this , he just stands and stares at me and says nothing, but hey everything is fine because he bought some paint that I liked 2 yrs ago 🤔

Hi Kaz

I'm an older woman stuck in a miserable marriage for the next 4 yrs and your advice to Diane helped me stay on course with my plan the next 4 years to secure my future , saving , building credit ect .In 4 years I plan to divorce him and it's hard to stay patient the next 1,460 days while living with him . I took a screen shot of your advice to read on the more difficult days. Thanks

🙏 Thanks 🌸

I just read your response to this and wanted to say thank you. This is just what I needed to hear today. I'm 45 and my husband just left me. I am scared for the future as I am the breadwinner and he is trying to get spousal support. I want to keep the house for my children who will be staying with me. I pray that I can figure this out and be the strong person I want to be.

I want to say first of all that you did nothing wrong. You're not a bad person. You didn't deserve to be treated like this. Your boys and pets don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be working 50hours a week at your age to keep a roof over your head.

What you're feeling, this anger, this resentment, this need for revenge, is totally understandable. Going through divorce is sooo hard. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you having been cheated on as well. Then to see him skipping away free, still able to afford a house and car and not to have to work 50hours a week to get it.

Your ex sounds toxic and manipulative. And so does she. The only thing either of them care about is themselves. Separately. Because how can people so vindictive feel love? My ex has changed so much since forming a relationship with his new partner. She often sends texts pretending to be him and accusing me of all types of things. All they want is money. Unfortunately I will be working two jobs to pay off a mortgage while they enjoy a lifestyle of camping and leisure life. People like this don't care how hard they make life for others. They have no decency, love or morals. They use the law to get as much as they can from a divorce, even if the outcome is unfair and unjust for their own children and former spouse.

I wish I could assure you that karma did exist. But over the past six months I've learnt that there is so much unjust when it comes to divorce. Being a good person means nothing. Working hard means nothing. Loving someone and being good to them, means nothing...in the end. But you know what? Reading your post gives me strength, because it means I'm not alone. And I've felt so alone during all of this. All I can suggest is to join a support group, talk it out with a trusted friend (even a church elder), keep a journal and work through your feelings. Hugs. I really hope things work out for you. Fingers crossed karma exists.