I've been looking for someone to relate to and your post hit home for me. It's been 4 years since my separation and I feel exactly the same as you've described. Still feeling like he'll come around. Not back to me but hope for his depression to lift. For him to appreciate and live the life that's in front of him.

As for moving on, I personally believe and I have most of my life that men are not going to work out for me. They are so damaged and self-absorbed as you said, that there is no way I could ever be myself and not feel repressed. I could never feel as happy as I do now. The freedom I feel now and being who I am 100% without ever apologizing for it. Tip towing around someone who is so insecure is not a way for me. In the end my ex did me a huge favor with the ultimate betrayal.

I've never had an explanation as to what happened. Which only justifies the pack of respect and the understanding that he never loved me which brings me to a closure all on its own.

So for you it's time that heals and rediscovering what you really want and who you are independent of others.