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Re: Ready for separation

i totally understand where you are coming from. maybe you can find a local church that you will feel comfortable in. Physical abuse and mental abuse are not good for anyone. we all feel broken. but you can over come this. right now i am not in a very good place. but i can tell from experience that staying in a marriage that has abuse is not good. you need to find some where to do that you feel safe. we can always become stronger that we ever thought we could be. have you tried to talk to a counselor. i know some churches have counseling services. check out the local area that you live in. do some research. i know it is not easy. i grew up in an very abusive family. i am currently trying to work though some family problems. i got some work books to try and take my find off of things. you have to get your self esteem up. i know that you have it in you to make the right decisions for yourself. take care and God Bless.

Re: Ready for separation

angel
i totally understand where you are coming from. maybe you can find a local church that you will feel comfortable in. Physical abuse and mental abuse are not good for anyone. we all feel broken. but you can over come this. right now i am not in a very good place. but i can tell from experience that staying in a marriage that has abuse is not good. you need to find some where to do that you feel safe. we can always become stronger that we ever thought we could be. have you tried to talk to a counselor. i know some churches have counseling services. check out the local area that you live in. do some research. i know it is not easy. i grew up in an very abusive family. i am currently trying to work though some family problems. i got some work books to try and take my find off of things. you have to get your self esteem up. i know that you have it in you to make the right decisions for yourself. take care and God Bless.
Yes I am taking counselling , that's the only things holding me up. But sometimes I still feel anxiety now and then. Thank you for your reply. It means a lot.

Re: Ready for separation

I think the same thing as well. Then I think the following, before I met him I was pretty much on my own and managing just fine with no friends for help (ie just moved into the state I met him). I remember I went to college and afterwards moved to a new state no family or friends at the locations. I survived and managed.

Then I remember he isn't here for me anyways not on the bigger things. I wounde up in the emergency room one day because of dizziness(menieres) and I tried calling him to come take me home because they gave me drugs and I couldn't drive. It took me 4 calls in the span of 4 hours to get him to pick up the phone so he could come and pick me up (he ahs a thing answering the phone from an unknown number). He went on a vacation with his brother at the height of my dizziness for two weeks, I had no friends and I asked him can you ask his friend bob if he mind me calling him if I winde up in the emergency room while he was away and needed someone to give me a ride home or take care of the dogs.

He refused to ask him. He left me with no one no one cause he shewed the small group of friends I did have. A month later he offered his friend bob wife to call him if she needed help while bob was away on a business trip.

So while he may do small things like get ice for me or fill up my water when we are watching tv. Carry in the groceries. When it truly comes to counting on him I can't. And it is proven through not just my interaction but how he treated his grandmother and other people around him. I never once see him go out of his way for someone. And always b| tches about people asking for his help. Unless he wants to spend time with them cause he is lonely nothing is truly free with this man he always has to get something. There is always an angle.

I tell you this hoping it mind remind you that perhaps he doesn't do as much as you think or maybe he really isn't there for you anyway significant.

When I do become single if I need car help I will goto a mechanic, if I need house help I will learn myself or call someone to help.

The one fortunate thing from my family that I got was to be independent and to know things. My dad taught me oil change, tune ups and fuel filters. How to change a tirea and how to jump start.

I was raised to be extremely independent and knowing I can do anything a man can do by my father. I just hit a bump in the road with an very manipulative abuse man.

Re: Ready for separation

Angela
I think the same thing as well. Then I think the following, before I met him I was pretty much on my own and managing just fine with no friends for help (ie just moved into the state I met him). I remember I went to college and afterwards moved to a new state no family or friends at the locations. I survived and managed.

Then I remember he isn't here for me anyways not on the bigger things. I wounde up in the emergency room one day because of dizziness(menieres) and I tried calling him to come take me home because they gave me drugs and I couldn't drive. It took me 4 calls in the span of 4 hours to get him to pick up the phone so he could come and pick me up (he ahs a thing answering the phone from an unknown number). He went on a vacation with his brother at the height of my dizziness for two weeks, I had no friends and I asked him can you ask his friend bob if he mind me calling him if I winde up in the emergency room while he was away and needed someone to give me a ride home or take care of the dogs.

He refused to ask him. He left me with no one no one cause he shewed the small group of friends I did have. A month later he offered his friend bob wife to call him if she needed help while bob was away on a business trip.

So while he may do small things like get ice for me or fill up my water when we are watching tv. Carry in the groceries. When it truly comes to counting on him I can't. And it is proven through not just my interaction but how he treated his grandmother and other people around him. I never once see him go out of his way for someone. And always b| tches about people asking for his help. Unless he wants to spend time with them cause he is lonely nothing is truly free with this man he always has to get something. There is always an angle.

I tell you this hoping it mind remind you that perhaps he doesn't do as much as you think or maybe he really isn't there for you anyway significant.

When I do become single if I need car help I will goto a mechanic, if I need house help I will learn myself or call someone to help.

The one fortunate thing from my family that I got was to be independent and to know things. My dad taught me oil change, tune ups and fuel filters. How to change a tirea and how to jump start.

I was raised to be extremely independent and knowing I can do anything a man can do by my father. I just hit a bump in the road with an very manipulative abuse man.
Sorry to hear you are going through all this. I completely agree with you. Actually I too used to do everything by my own in college and all without friends. Even my husband is very selfish and never cared about anyone. He is never there for me emotionally or physically when I need him. But you are right I think I just need to find my strength and be courageous to do things by my own.
Your words are very encouraging. Thank you.