you are mourning on so many levels it will take time. Mourning what you lost in many ways. Mourning the lost of a dream of gwoing old with him. Mourning the loss of someone in your life to be with you. Mourning the loss of possibly parts of yourself you didn't acknowledge and shoved down to be with him. Mourning the loss of friends or family relationship you might have gained. Mourning the loss of the routine you developed. Mournign the loss of the time you wasted.

Then you maybe be sad or guilty. Sad that you wasted so much time with him and in the end it didn't work. Sad that you compromised too much for yourself. Guilty for letting another person imapct you so much. Sad and guilty that you didn't listen to your self and pay attention to those first warning signs.

Angry you choose so badly (which comes out as crying for us women). Angry that you didn't know better.

Then maybe some regret.

This is what I am going through pre-divorce when planning to leave. I always do things ahead of schedule so when I leave I am truly ready to take that step.

But cut yourself a break. allow your self to feel whatever loss you are feeling. Journal about it. Talk to your self about it. Talk to "god"/"angels" (whatever you believe) about it.

Talk to a dog about it. Yes I said dog because dog spelled backwards is god. Sorry bad joke.

Don't have a pet maybe get one, have a pet allow it to comfort you.

We are always told to get over it as women. Our processes are different.

The only thing I say is listen to your heart, understand your heart, and make a commit to your self to be more kind, caring, loving and protective of yourself now and in the future.

It WILL get better. Listen to music you liked BEFORE you met your husband. For now, skip places where you and he used to go. Rekindle the interests you had BEFORE him.

Remember that you still have your health and freedom and still have the ability to get out there and live on. Many have lost that opportunity thanks to COVID. Use this time to start anew.

Read up on what others experienced in their divorces to see that it could have gone much worse. An example is the book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" by amateur author Dorian Wright (avail on Amazon and Google Books).

This is not the end of your life. You CAN bounce back.

I know exactly what you mean. This is one of the worse pains I've been through in my life. I have children involved and it's so difficult to function without shedding tears throughout the day. I keep hearing to be strong for my children but my tears are overpowering. I've had so many trips to the "bathroom" just to release the hurt so that I can function. I definitely understand what you mean by going through the ups and downs; Thinking it's over and feeling empowered and then crying because of something they may have said or did. I truly hope you get through this and I'm sure you will in time. But I'm with you in feeling like it will never go away but it will. Sending you virtual hugs 🤗

I completely relate to your feelings. I too feel the same now and then . Actually I am planning to leave my husband and somedays I feel that I am very excited for my new journey and somedays I just don't know why I end up crying.
It's difficult to go through all this. What has helped me through this a lot is taking counselling.
My counsellor really has been very understanding and supportive.
You can also try it, it does help a lot at these times. They help you find yourself and make you feel hopeful.
Pls take care, it will be okay.

Thanks to everyone for all of your wonderful words of encouragement and advice. My goal is to one day look back on this and see just how far I have come. I have been seeing a counselor but I am not sure just how much it is helping. I think I am just expecting too much too soon. Talking seems to help and I really appreciate all of you for taking the time to respond to my message. It is a really big help since there are no support groups in my area. THANKS!!!😊

Journal everything , just writing it down how you are feeling is very cathartic, it gets a lot of the anger and sadness out, I know I am getting better because I used to write in mine religiously everyday , can go 2 weeks now and not write anything, plus when you read it back from the beginning you can see the changes in your moods and how you are feeling. I am on my 3rd one now, 240 pages in each journal, and I started mine in October last year , once my divorce comes through and I have moved from the family home as having to sell , I will ceremoniously burn them. Another reason I know I am getting better is that there are not so many swear words , at the beginning it was literally every other word.

I wish you well xxxx

Thank you so much. I have been writing things down; but sometimes I feel like crying more when I journal butI guess it’s a way of getting all of those feelings and emotions out. It does help. Thanks again!!!