I have been with this man for about 20 years and I have 2 kids with him. He has mental health issues that I have looked past for many many years. He is verbally and mental abusive to myself and my older son. My older son has mixed feelings about his dad. About 2 years ago I put my foot down and moved into a new apartment with the kids. We kept our space but were still together. I was working on myself and was really really strong. During the time we weren't living together I would make comments like "find a new girlfriend" which I didn't mean-I just felt like I could never be good enough for him or make him happy because everything I did was wrong. I still feel like this. Everything is going great so far this year until 6 weeks ago he got a new girlfriend and I am literally dying from the inside out. I am going beyond crazy. I can not eat (lost 17 lbs), sleep, have severe anxiety and depression. But he keeps dragging me and the kids along in this love triangle. He wanted myself and the kids to move away from my family which I just did to prove to him I love him and he will not leave the girl. He comes and stays with us and acts like a family than leave to go to her. He says he doesn't trust me that I wont hurt him again. I am giving up so much for him right now and he is not giving this girl up for me. He says how she makes him so happy and he loves her after 6 weeks. I told him to please just let us go but he doesn't want to he loves us and wants to be with us too. I tried to explain and show by my actions that I will change and be the perfect woman for him but its not good enough. He keeps telling me to stop acting crazy but I told him how can I act different if the girls is still in the picture thats whats making me crazy. I am NOT OK.

That is a lot to handle and you certainly deserve better than someone bouncing back and forth because he want his cake and eat it too. Don't allow him to belittle you. You are worth more than a part time Husband! I pray that you find the strength to put your foot down and say enough is enough. I am dealing with a bunch of immature tactics and it is driving me crazy. I'm just trying to get this house sold so I can get the heck up out of here. I'm not going to put up with this man's crap any longer. I hope one day you don't put up with that crap any longer as well. But at the end of the day, it's up to you. Remember, a person will treat you the way you allow them to. You don't have to put up with that. ❤

I am dealing with a similar situation. My husband has childhood trauma and was taking everything out on me. I triggered his wounds. He cheated and treated me horribly, all the while being mr wonderful to everyone else. I spent so much time trying to get him to open up, trying to help solve his problems, only to be **** on.

I'm trying not to beg for reconciliation, as I know I can't trust him. I will never be the perfect woman for him and he will never be perfect for me. It's a shame it took us 18yrs to figure that out.

As women we build our lives around our homes. I am also struggling with begging for reconciliation as my WHOLE world seems to be crumbling. We lose the safety and security of our homes and we now have to find a way to solely support that home. I completely understand how you feel.

It pains me to say it but this is the second time I've had to start over. 20 yrs ago and again now. It does not get any easier.

So what do we do in this situation?

If you can do one thing - please protect your children. I've seen first hand how trauma effects adult life. I split with my daughters father 20yrs ago. She was 9. He became Disneyland dad. Watching her while I worked two jobs was too much for him, and would help only if convenient for him. She is now an adult and she is realizing that he has relationship issues even with her. I raised her, it was **** tough to not let all the **** effect her. I made mistakes but I did my best. She and I have a great relationship and struggles with her father. It all comes out in the wash. I am proud of myself for creating a stable environment for her to grow up in and it makes me prouder to see her building a stable life for herself.

Also, please take care of yourself. You can not deal with ALL of this while being empty and drained of life. Rely on family if you can, friends who love you, and get the support you need. You do not have to do this alone, just without him. He probably wasn't helping out a whole lot anyways... and he will not be there to support you emotionally.

Make sure he supports financially! He is responsible for the children too. Get a separation agreement. I let my ex off easy because he gave me a big sob story and I bought it, I paid the price by being "stuck" with a house I could not afford, no vehicle and he forced me into bankruptcy with our joint debts. It was a total mess and he could not give a ****, it was all my problem now.

I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you. Do not settle for less than you deserve, you will find what you need in a relationship, this man is not it, considering how he is treating you right now.