As women we build our lives around our homes. I am also struggling with begging for reconciliation as my WHOLE world seems to be crumbling. We lose the safety and security of our homes and we now have to find a way to solely support that home. I completely understand how you feel.
It pains me to say it but this is the second time I've had to start over. 20 yrs ago and again now. It does not get any easier.
So what do we do in this situation?
If you can do one thing - please protect your children. I've seen first hand how trauma effects adult life. I split with my daughters father 20yrs ago. She was 9. He became Disneyland dad. Watching her while I worked two jobs was too much for him, and would help only if convenient for him. She is now an adult and she is realizing that he has relationship issues even with her. I raised her, it was **** tough to not let all the **** effect her. I made mistakes but I did my best. She and I have a great relationship and struggles with her father. It all comes out in the wash. I am proud of myself for creating a stable environment for her to grow up in and it makes me prouder to see her building a stable life for herself.
Also, please take care of yourself. You can not deal with ALL of this while being empty and drained of life. Rely on family if you can, friends who love you, and get the support you need. You do not have to do this alone, just without him. He probably wasn't helping out a whole lot anyways... and he will not be there to support you emotionally.
Make sure he supports financially! He is responsible for the children too. Get a separation agreement. I let my ex off easy because he gave me a big sob story and I bought it, I paid the price by being "stuck" with a house I could not afford, no vehicle and he forced me into bankruptcy with our joint debts. It was a total mess and he could not give a ****, it was all my problem now.
I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you. Do not settle for less than you deserve, you will find what you need in a relationship, this man is not it, considering how he is treating you right now.