Hi Anna,

Thanks so much for replying and sharing you experience.

I don't have professionals helping me yet. I have reconnected with a friend and have talked to her about leaving soon. She basically said it was about time and that I was going to enjoy my freedom.

I am working covertly trying to prepare while still maintain a calm house so it is not acknowledged out in the open. even if he has a inckling which I think he has that I am quiet unhappy. Until I actually say it to him and serve him with papers I don't think he will believe it.

About 2 month ago when he threw another tantrum. I said what you ****** about and it was I ate the last of something that was his favorite. I had no idea it was his favorite. I have realized over time he will make stuff up. I flat out said I can't take this anymore. Do you want a divorce and he flippantly said "sure why not". I said how would you like to do this and he was silent.

Next day he came to me and said well I can't get mad at you if I never told you it was my favorite. All I thought to my self was "WRONG and WRONG. You should feel grateful I remember what you like and look for those things in the groceries store and if I forget what one of your favorites are, you can remind me but give me a break you don't have a right to scold me and be P1 ssed. But I knew saying that would get no where and only instigate him further.

He didn't apologize and say sorry I should behave more like an adult.

You know one time he got P! ssed at me because I got the mail and threw a tantrum saying I knew he liked to get the mail and that was the only time he got outside. Like he couldn't go outside other times? So now I don't get the mail. But I wonder what he was hiding back then or even now. Yes ladies I am forbidden to get the mail. Make sense of that?

So, I have threatened divorce in the past, almost left like 4 years ago after a major secret that came out and he was still doing it putting his life in harms way. Swore he change. He did in small ways but nothing major. Still an ass still throwing tantrums but hey at least he does the dishes now.
Did the whole thing talked to 2 lawyers a mediator, got a po box, own banking account where my checks where deposited, started packing thing up but hiding the boxes in the house (they are still hidden ready for me to leave) looked at apartments at that time but then he had a stroke.

Wounde up closing everything cause we did start therapy but then I found out he was seeing a therapist individually and not talking about anything significantly he didn't even tell him there was no sex. He spent an entire session talking about my brother. My brother who he doesn't interact with and he has only met 2 times. The therapist found that out by my visit about the sex stuff, after 3.5 months of 2 days per week sessions and the guy said oh really you need to see a sex therapist.

I was just talking to my friend and told her that I feel like I am battling for my soul with him. That I am a possession for him to use. So this "love you for who you are and not your usefulness to them" really hit home.

And I totally feel responsible if I hurt him and been struggling with that. But that struggle is getting less and less the more I realize what a horse patoot he is.

My main concern is how to get out of the marriage and get the house sold with the least amount of stress.. Continue living with him quietly getting the house ready for sale. There are a few things in the house that need to be taken care of like mold in the attic replacing the front gutter that fell and then ripped down by him when he was P1 ssed because he didn't maintain the gutters never cleaned them. And the upstairs bathroom cabinet and tile. Maybe I need to talk to a realtor. If we did nothing what would be get versus doing something. Mold in the attic is common where I live. But I know that has to get addressed.

Then trying to figure out if I want to move out and try to sell the house or stay and try to sell it.

I am worried about his temper. It can rear up he has broken the door to the garage, the dryer drawer, thrown things a couple of times physically abused the dogs in minor ways, chest butt me a couple of times and started a shoving match with me.. One time he gave me a look to kill told him to leave the house and don't come back until he doesn't want to kill me. He did leave and stayed at a hotel for the night. then there is the whole road rage crap.

I think the only reason he doesn't get more physical is because I have flat out told him at the start of the marriage what would happen if he ever laid a hand on me. And he knows I am strong from sports and his equal physically in strength.

I did sign up for another po box, signed up for another cell phone number and started storing some cash to use to pay some lawyers to talk to them so he wouldn't know.

I am curious how did you tell your husband? Did you stay with him or did you leave? Was selling the home difficult with a covert narcissistic emotional abuser? How long did your divorce take?