I am in the exact same boat. I am defeated and deflated. Our house has appreciated so much that neither one of us can afford to buy the other out. Either one party loses terribly I. The division or we both lose somewhat.
Hi Mich,
I've been divorced now for a year (today actually marks my 1 year anniversary- yay me) however we still haven't settled on the property stuff. None of the negotiations have gone quite well to be honest. It's always one thing after another. BUT if you look at it from a give & take perspective it may help you navigate the negotiations. Assess what you are willing to let go of & what you aren't. Stand firm in those & release the others.
As far as having to sale the house, are you not in a position to buy him out of his 1/2 & refinance? That way you can stay in the house and you and your kids can stay right where you are. Another option may be offer that you & the kids get to stay there until your last one graduates from high school- if he doesn't go for that then see if maybe he can give you like a year or 2 before you have to move. This will give you & your kids some time to find something & you the opportunity to explain what's going on with your kids. With that option also look for something that you may be willing to "give up" maybe another asset that he can have that is equal in value. Makes sense- it's the give & take.
Another thing, prepare yourself for when you have to meet or talk to your ex. You know it's going to be difficult so remind yourself that it's going to be a struggle, it's not going to be easy- tell yourself you are stronger than you give yourself credit & you can handle anything that's thrown your way.
If you haven't retained an attorney it's best that you do.
If you don't have a counselor you should look into getting one (I did & it helped me tremendously!!!) If you can't afford one there are a lot of free services out there.
Hang in there!
Thanks you all for your advice and recommendations. I will certainly need to go back and look at all of my options. For now I have chosen to take a step back and regroup. My meeting yesterday left me feeling even more alienated and afraid of what the future holds.
I had a similar situation... And we agreed on absolutely nothing, however we presented to the mediator / judge in order to not uproot the children they stay in the home with the custodial parent until they are through high school or college whichever applies to your case... Judge is almost always side in the best interest of the children... It doesn't give you the house or him the house it just gives you possession and use of the house until the children are grown
Thank you so much for the information I have a 14 year old, he will be a freshman this year and a 17 year old who is a senior. I really don’t want uproot the kids at this point in their lives. The only issue is that I can’t afford the house on my own so he would have help me the mortgage. I will definitely bring this up to my lawyer and go from there. I have decided that I can not be working agreeing on a settlement on my own. It is just too depressing.