I feel exactly the sam way you do. I been separated for about a little over two months, but we are divorcing. I have been married for 28 years and it is devastating. I am 49 years old and honestly I don't know where to go from here. My husband cheated 10 years ago. We went to counseling and I thought that things were going good. Then when the pandemic hit things became very difficult. He kept working because he is in law enforcement. He became very distant. We would not talk much and when we did we would just get into arguments. He worked a lot of overtime and I would hardly see him. There was little to no intimacy. When I asked to go to counseling he agreed. Only to find out that he was not 100% committed. It turns out he had started communicating again with the same woman he had an affair with 10 years ago. I had no choice but to ask him to leave and he did. I have 2 children ages 14 and 17. I too feel as if I have lost my best friend. We were high school sweethearts. Now I just feel like I have no one to talk to about my day. I feel so lost. The first few weeks were absolutely terrible. I couldn't eat or sleep and I would cry all the time. I lost about 25 pounds. I was having panic attacks daily sometime more. In the last two weeks I have just recently started getting my appetite back and my panic attacks have become less frequent. In my case it will be months maybe even years before I can put all of this behind me. It still hurts. I have good days and bad days. I am trying to take it day by day. I too have no friends to talk to about this. I have been reaching out mostly on this forum and it does help. Feel free to reach out. I check back regularly.
I feel like I have no choice but to keep forgiving. I do not know how to be single. I am terrified to even try. There are some normal homeowner issues going on (plumbing, new roof...) and I feel like I need to take care of these things. Not BEFORE I leave, but almost like I can't leave because of these things. I don't want to leave. I can't let us be done. How do I walk away from all I have ever known?
Do not stay because you are scared. You'll live to regret it. I'm also terrified but am pushing through. You wont know what's on the other side until you get there.
I think the best advice I've ever received was if your friend was in your same situation, what would you tell them? That seems to help make decisions clearer for me. Hope it does for you, too!
I hope you are doing good today. Reaching out and hearing back makes me a tiny bit better, hopefully, this will brighten your day. Your msg did help me, today. Keep your chin up!