My spouse has been saying he has ED and hasn’t wanted anything to do with me. We had a talk over last weekend and I told him I needed him to show affection towards me spend time with me even if it was just watching a movie on the couch. He said he would try. Over the course of our marriage (almost 22 years) we have had two children I have supported him through his drug addiction and depression/bipolar diagnosis. He has had affairs takes to other women including ex girlfriends from 20 something years ago. He continually hurts me emotionally and mentally. Today I caught him coming out of an Asian Massage parlor. You know the ones where you get other services. Over the course of a week he has been 3 times to two different ones and also was at that ex girlfriend’s house house for over an hour. When I caught him I was so upset I took off home. He arrived shortly after. We argued and he grabbed some clothes and his medicine and left. I told him I would be changing the locks since he left. He said I’ll be back to get MY stuff. I told him I didn’t tell him to leave he was doing it. Then has the nerve to say I’ll make you sale this house and give me my part. Really? He hasn’t worked in 20 years! The deed and mortgage are in my name because I’m the only that works. He says he will make me pay. I have to tell our girls he left. But they honestly do not want him here. I’ve taken him back multiple times and I’m exhausted, drained and hurt. I met him at 19 and I have never been by myself. I gained over a 150 pounds since we first met and after I had children. I’m so lost right now. I’ve never technically been by myself.
Hi Cindy, I am so sorry to hear you in so much pain.
The best thing you can do is let him go and don't let him back in.
I don't know if your state is a fault divorce state but if you can prove all those things and the state is a default divorce state you can get more of the marital assets.
The home is technically a marital asset. And because he hasn't worked at all you technically could be paying him palimony.
I would do yourself a favor and consult a lawyer quickly. Sounds like he might be unstable make sure you and your kids are safe.
As Angela said-Go see a lawyer quickly. The fact the house is in your name, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not entitled to some of its value.
This is not a marriage hun. He’s putting you at risk of a STD and showing no respect towards you. He may even have a sex addiction, given how frequently he’s visiting massage parlours and a ‘girlfriend.’
View paying to see a lawyer as an investment in your future. Protect your assets, yourself and your children. Close joint accounts-he’ll probably siphon money out anyway once he realises you’re divorcing him. He may try to fight for custody of your children out of spite, so be prepared to show evidence that demonstrates the kind of undesirable behaviours the children might be around, if he were to get custody (phone records, photos, texts, social media posts, eye-witness accounts etc).
Think about: Protecting yourself and your children-financially, emotionally and physically. Keep your phone near you. Check with the lawyer whether you can legally lock him out of the property. How much notice do you have to give him to come collect his belongings?
Think about where you want to live after the divorce/what social supports you will have, the logistics of raising children as a single parent, and rebuilding your self-confidence.
What assets does he have? A car? A motorbike? A pension fund? An inheritance that will be coming to him in future??? Etc. Go for gold in the divorce settlement and then lower the bar only if you need to with your lawyer’s advice.
No woman deserves to be treated like you are. Mental health can be medicated/counselled so can generally be improved, but repeat acts of adulterery are a CHOICE he’s making as an adult. Only he is responsible for his actions and choices. A personality is fixed. His seems self-centred and determined to show how little he cares about your feelings-which borders on narcissism/sociopathy. You deserve much, much better 🙏