Dear Shanna,
This is my first time on this forum, and your post is the first one I saw. Your story is identical to mine, I feel like I was reading my own words.
My husband of 20 years just told me, days before our anniversary, that he doesn't love me anymore. That he hasn't loved me in two years. That he wants a divorce.
He's not having an affair, he is just done and ready to move on with his life. I am completely blindsided. Like you, he has no interest in trying to repair things. And I am agonizing over why and what I'm supposed to do.
I have a 16-year-old daughter, and our families on both sides are super close. For now, he wants to play it cool and pretend like everything is fine while we "figure things out." I'm not supposed to tell anyone until then, which is fine because I am so humiliated, embarrassed, and full of shame, I don't know who I would turn to anyways.
I, too, am trying to find places in the house to cry so that no one will see me. I'm rocked to my core and don't know what even know what to do next.
I just wanted you to know that you're not alone out there, that I 100 percent know exactly what you're going through, and I don't know where to turn next either. :(
Just wanted to say thank you for reaching out and being vulnerable. I find myself in a similar situation. I have two kids 10, 8 and my spouse of 13 years came to me yesterday to tell me he doesn’t want to be married anymore, that he hates his life and being tethered to me. He says he has been miserable for the last 7 years, and needs to “find himself.” He also threatened to kill himself a few times, (which has been a guilt tactic).
In my unique situation, I worry 100% for my financial security. I work part time, rent, have no savings, a ton of debt. I’m currently looking into any supports through government funding and other non profit organizations. I’ve written down my bills, income, child tax income etc. I’ve looked at where I can separate finances and cut costs.
I’m devastated. As I know you are too. I am taking time to seek therapy, get involved in a local support group and have reached out to one old friend for personal support. I have not told my family, as I feel great shame and fear of judgement and advice.
I think the kids won’t be as hard hit as I create in my mind. He’s not always a present father to begin with, but I will look for therapy options for them as well.
I feel so alone. This place of limbo is not fun and I’m the only one having to deal with emotions, he’s walking around living life. I am quietly suffering.
My advice to you is, connect with ALL of your family and friends from back home, get as much support as you can. Look into groups, and therapy and definitely look into cleaning up your finances. You need to fend for yourself now and that’s all there is to it. Buy all the self help, spiritual, personal growth books, write yourself some goals and timeline. Write about everything. Be good to yourself. Be gentle to yourself. You are worth more. You are worth effort, consideration and love.
What a **** show. Hugs sweet Shanna. I’m right in the thick of it with you. If nothing else, know you’re not alone.