Absolutely it’s possible and I’m living proof of that :)
My husband left me after we’d been together for 36 years and married for 33 of this timeframe. I am, like you, in my 50s.
It sucks Kathy, but what sucks more is being stuck on a hamster wheel forever going round and round in the same unhappy situation/relationship. You both deserve to be happy. We are on this earth for such a short time. Why not take steps to enjoy your life; not be ‘punished’ and tortured, tormented, upset and sad, but to feel a connection to earth, nature, and who you really are as a person.
You met him so young in life that you probably need time to explore who ‘you’ are. The real you. You as a single person. What do you like? What are your boundaries you won’t let anyone cross? What makes you happy? What have you always dreamed of doing?
A grief reaction is a natural, normal and essential part of grieving the loss of a long marriage. Usually the person who instigates the divorce, has had a long time to plan and execute their decision to divorce and to have become comfortable with their decision, while it can be an utter shock to their partner to be told they are being left.
Being kind to yourself. Listening to and trusting your ‘gut feelings’ and surrounding yourself with kind and loving friends (and connection with a counsellor/a therapist) and taking care of your health, is important. As is exercising, journaling, getting good quality sleep and giving yourself positive affirmations that you ARE strong, that this IS the right decision and that you WILL feel better over time.
Set yourself a goal every day. It can be something small-like enjoying a cup of calming camomile tea-or large-such as running a marathon/or volunteering.
You had a long marriage so you can congratulate yourself for that. Life is not ending Kathy, but it will take a different form. You can either be a passive recipient of consequences, or a proactive go-getter to grab what happiness you can in life. Take it 1 day at a time and if 1 day is too much-plan what you’ll do for the next hour: A bubble bath? Call a friend? Research ideas for setting up your own business? What...?
Carpe Diem! Seize the day! You are not alone. If every teacher, doctor etc going through a divorce, fell apart, we’d have a staff shortage! As it is; unfortunately, ‘grey divorces’ are on the rise. Don’t beat yourself up mentally. Instead, use your nervous energy to plan your future. Plan your financial goals and approaches. Plan what kind of life you want to lead. How? When? What tools and skills will you need to achieve your dreams and goals? And indulge in calming and soothing activities that inspire you: Yoga, listening to music, walking in the countryside etc.
It’s a cliche, but time does heal. Eventually, your ex will be but a small dot in the rear view mirror of your life, as you zoom towards the horizon and new positive possibilities 🙏
I used to think the same thing all the time. I had been married over 20 years. I was overthinking everything. I didn’t need to figure out every step in the beginning. I just needed to take one step at a time. I sat down and wrote out a plan and tackled one issue at a time. I stayed physically active. I journaled a lot. When the pressure became too much I went to counseling. By putting the focus on myself I didn’t have time to worry about anyone else. One step at a time.
Here is a blog community for divorce and breakups
AlimoniaLife.com