Divorcing someone who is a narcissist can be tough-going. I know you say you don’t want things to get ‘messy,’ but the truth is-they already are. Divorcing a narcissist can be an emotionally and financially stressful experience. He has chosen her over you. He has refused to stop seeing her. You are already on a back foot, as he is exerting power over you by being disrespectful towards you.
Look out for financial control being the next hurdle. You are a stay at home mum, with little to no income. He knows that. He will, in all probability use this as a ‘weapon’ against you during the divorce process. Be sure to open your own bank account if you don’t already have one in your own name. Open a mailbox and have all your bank statements, credit card statements etc sent there, so he can’t read them. Gather evidence of anything valuable he owns-cars, jewellery, pensions (401K), inheritances coming his way, bank balances, shares, antiques etc etc. Narcs have amazing powers to make cash just suddenly ‘disappear’ out of joint bank accounts when they get wind that you’re going to file for divorce!
Get a lawyer. Right now. If you lose your home and future financial support source, you may struggle. Look at getting some part-time work maybe? Research what alimony you can perhaps get. Do you know how much he earns? Can you photocopy a payslip to show the court?
Marcs have a way of convincing their spouses that it’s the narc who is the victim! Victims have often been manipulated for yeas by them, leaving the narc’s wife socially-isolated, often not employed, financially at his mercy, and with low self-esteem. He will WANT you to be meek and mild and to give in to his divorce settlement demands, as that’s part of coercive control. Fight for everything that’s fair to you though hun. You get one shot at this to financially secure your future and your children’s futures. He’ll happily be showering his tart with all kind of gifts, while you stay at home...virtually dumped, but still in limbo as you’re still married to him. Take control over your life and your destiny. Don’t let him treat you like a doormat. Arm yourself with knowledge by seeing a lawyer. Also, if you can, seek out psychological counselling support to help keep you mentally strong when he stays to turn nasty when he begins to lose some of the control he has over you, when you file for divorce. Narcs hate losing their control over their spouse. Go for it gal-but start gathering facts and evidence first 🙏
I agree with everything you’ve said. I’ve been married to an emotionally abusive narcissist for 15 years, together 24 years who now portrays himself as the victim. I’d go for a mediator rather than a divorce attorney to litigate 1-3 years in court. Narcissists must win so they’ll drain you financially and emotionally.
7 Things a Narcissist Cannot Do For You (Or Anyone Else)
1. Give A Sh*t about How You Feel
2. Be Interested In Your Problems
3. NEVER Apologize
4. Make You Feel Good About Yourself
5. Be Accountable For Their Own Actions
6. Support You Emotionally
7. Appreciate What You Do For Them
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