Hi Kellie,
I know exactly where you are as I was there a few months ago as my divorce was coming to a close. It was not the party that I thought it would be. I did get through it with some time to myself and a few good friends. I actually wrote about it on my blog about divorce.
Hi My Decree Nisi is on the 7th September, my absolut is 6 weeks and a day after, on the 10th September is our 19th wedding anniversary.
Still in the family home with our twenty yr old twin sons , selling as I can’t afford to stay here, so having to rent and then hopefully get a mortgage at the ridiculous age of 59 , to work until possibly. My mid 70’s 😡
He of course earns a lot more and will be better off financially.
I have had nearly 1 year to process my feelings , kicked him out in October due to cheating again , but it was the lies and manipulative narcissistic behaviour that finally made me say no more.
My self worth and esteem have grown, I am literally chomping at the bit , to finally get this finished, I am nervous about how I will cope financially, I was nervous about being on my own, but nowhere near as bad, and to be honest I was very independent before I met him, so hopefully that will all come back 100%., as I will no longer be manipulated.
I am really determined to get out there, I don’t drive , so will have to learn, I don’t want to rely on anyone for anything.
Once I have hopefully bought somewhere to live , I will never put myself in the position of selling my home for a man ever again.
I will force myself to try and join clubs , for hobbies , quite what yet I have no idea.
Dating I am very nervous about, I don’t really want to join dating websites , I am quite a private person, and putting it out there for all to see fills me with dread, plus that’s where the ex to be used to find his women, sadly I have to say they were all willing participants and knew he was married , so I really don’t want to go down that road.
I am not sad anymore about ending the marriage ,I was to start with, as the life I thought I would have, ie retire to france and grow old together was taken away, but now I see that I actually have a chance of a happier life , with him and it was yrs of lies and deceit and being manipulated. Probably more sad that I wasted so much time , gave him too many chances, to be walked all over again.
I have to say the positives now far outweigh the negatives,
Yeah I maybe financially stretched, but
I will never have to look over my shoulder again, I won’t have to put up with lies, I won’t feel permanently stressed, I won’t be feeling inadequate ever again,
I am really excited about the new start I am going to have ,and yes it’s better late than never .
So the day that he helps us move , will be the last day I have to set eyes on him,
In no particular order
Freedom
Excitement
Nervousness
Relief
Sadness that I wasted so much time
New experiences to look forward to
Butterflies in the stomach when I hopefully meet someone new
Affection
Not being in a rut
Confidence
Being able to laugh again
Not having to analyse everything thats being said to me , just being able to take things at face value
Being able to hang my detective hat up regarding his latest lies
Looking forward and no more looking back
Realising I am stronger than I gave myself credit for
Being comfortable in my own skin