I had left my husbands place 2 weeks ago and came to my hometown for divorce procedure. My husband was very abusive and selfish. But now he just doesn't agree to the things he did or said, he acts like he is the victim and that i must have found someone else that's why I have planned for divorce. Even his family is behaving in a way that I wronged them somehow.
I just want to get over with all this soon. But also very confused and worried that what if this doesn't get solved easily and goes to court, will people understand my point that how difficult he is, though he shows like he is a victim.
Some relatives even advised me to compromise and stay with him as life after divorce is difficult, which makes me feel sad sometimes. Few people do support me. But all these things makes me feel sad and doubtful as divorce itself is a big decision. I am still unsure of many things even after planning things beforehand.
Just hoping things goes fine.
Hi, Yes m guessing there are cultural pressures on you to tension married to him, as you mention his family?
Blaming you, denying his actions and behaviours and ‘gas lighting’ you (you can watch videos about this on You Tube), is all part of a cycle of abuse. He sounds like he’s trying to discredit your character.,
To ‘compromise’ and remain in the marriage with him, will give him additional power and control over you, as he’ll feel that you’ll remain with him, no matter how bad his behaviour and attitude towards you is. Beware also-that he may try to ‘love bomb’ you to try to get you to take him back. This will be very short-lived however, and is typically used as part of coercive control to bring women back into the ‘clutches’ of the abusive person and give them false hope that he’ll reform his behaviours and everything will be great-Except…it won’t once you’ve been bamboozled into going back.
Start writing down dates, times and the details of what happened when he was disrespectful/abusive/neglectful of you. Also note down whether there were any witnesses to each incident, or whether you’ve got abusive text and email messages from him (take screenshots). What about verbal accounts? Would any friends of yours act as a witness to talk about the abusive behaviours they have seen/heard/read from him towards you? Would they be willing to write these down if so?
Has he shown any remorse? Is this abuse a repeat pattern over time? A leopard doesn’t change its spots…
I’d work on being as independent as possible. Get your finances in order in case he tries to cut you off financially, get legal advice, try to ignore the pressures his relatives might try to put on you and STAY STRONG 💪🏼
Trust your gut feeling.
What’s it saying to you?
(Leave him before your voice and opinions are studied forever by him and his relatives 😬🤐
Thank you so much for your reply and advice. Gives me lot of hope. Yes I have moved to a pg and that's what's happening, he is showing so much love right now, like his life has stopped without me. But I know for sure that he must be living peacefully without me as well. And yes I will try to get things in order like when happened what he said and all. Thanks again